tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69379860790045706832024-02-06T21:59:28.180-06:00Let's Change The Conversation...about people who train in combat sports...about healthy aggression and how to use it to empower yourself and others.
Let’s change the conversation about women and violence.
Women can learn to defend themselves and others, let’s find out how.Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-47782085791012263492014-06-30T18:11:00.001-05:002014-06-30T18:11:34.477-05:003 Out of 3<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's lots of info on the fight or flight impulse we experience when faced with sudden danger, and there seems to be more talk nowadays about the freeze as well. If you aren't familiar with it, we often freeze first before fighting or running away - and sometimes the freeze itself can be our instinctive first-line defense, and we stay there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People don't want to admit to themselves that they freeze, because they think it makes them look like scaredy-cats. Actually there seems to be a lot of shame attached to both the freeze and the flight impulse, as if they are strictly acts of cowardice. I suppose sometimes they are, but sometimes they are also the best way to stay alive. What are you supposed to do if a bee lands on you? Freeze! A lot of the animal kingdom survives by doing just that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the saddest thing I've ever heard was when a rape victim told me she couldn't forgive herself because she "let him do it". No, she froze, and survived. I also had a student run away during a scenario drill where you're walking in a sketchy area with your friend and are afraid you might be attacked. They were attacked (of course) and one girl panicked and ran while the other fought. The one who ran cried because she thought she was a coward. I told her she was a survivor, but she didn't buy it. In our society the only impulse response we value is "fight".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think what matters is that we're having the right response at the right time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I will admit that I've done all three. I move in toward danger & fight at work if I have to because sometimes my job requires it, and since it is a natural as well as a trained response for me it has gone well. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've also run away like my butt was on fire once when I thought I was about to be attacked by a homeless person while walking my dog in the woods. (No, I did not leave my dog behind, duh!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And recently I froze - and got stuck there. I was able to observe it while it was happening because of my training, which was so cool. But I was still stuck!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was in a parking garage when I heard two shots fired. Holy shit! I was just about to open the door to my car when I heard it & it was like in the movies when everyone but the star freezes in place. I wasn't the star, so I froze in place. So here's what went through my head, and quickly, "two shots fired…where is it coming from? (only my eyes moved to look around)…it could be an accidental discharge, I am at a law enforcement conference after all, everyone's armed…(listening for screams, the sound of running feet or a car speeding away…nothing)…oh, I should be throwing myself on the ground if someone's shooting, I need to hide & see if I can see a shooter…I should call 911...I'm not moving, shit, I must be frozen…well, I'm not dead yet, I think I'll just stay here…get down, stupid…this is my first real freeze, the next time I probably won't react this way…"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Turns out it wasn't shots fired, just two big fast loud bangs that had no danger attached. And I probably <i><b>won't</b></i> freeze like that the next time two sudden bangs happen out of nowhere, because the first is the worst. But pretending like I didn't do it this time won't help! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So please know that any and all of them can happen to you and try not to judge yourself too harshly when they do. But if you find you have the wrong impulse at the wrong time, work on that. Train. You can educate your body in how to react under stress. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-33295251644814054992014-01-20T11:28:00.003-06:002014-01-20T11:30:01.052-06:00Two Smart Guys<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I listen to podcasts when I get ready for work in the morning. I'm <b>not</b> a morning person, & listening to intelligent conversations and stories helps my brain wake up. One of my favorites is <a href="http://www.martial-secrets.com/2013/12/11/west-seattle-special-man-grabs-girl-in-broad-daylight-what-you-can-do/#comments" target="_blank">"Martial Secrets"</a>, with Lawrence Kane and Kris Wilder.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These guys have a great depth of knowledge and a friendly, laid-back, no bullshit attitude that is very appealing, and they interview excellent guests. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's one episode in particular I want to steer you toward, and here's why…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you've ever tried to help your family or friends take more responsibility for their own safety, to be more careful out in the world, but they give you every martial artist & cop's favorite response "You're just paranoid", you have probably just experienced something called <a href="http://tnation.t-nation.com/free_online_forum/diet_blog_hammer_velocity_shugart/proximity_bias_a_discussion" target="_blank">proximity bias</a>. This is when someone close to you won't listen to your advice <b style="font-style: italic;">because </b>they're close to you. You may be an expert to the rest of the world, but to this person you're just their friend-son-cousin-whatever, so how could you possibly know? It's incredibly frustrating. If you've experienced this, I have a gift for you:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you click on the <a href="http://www.martial-secrets.com/2013/12/11/west-seattle-special-man-grabs-girl-in-broad-daylight-what-you-can-do/#comments" target="_blank">"Martial Secrets"</a> link it will take you to a podcast episode where the hosts discuss a recent attempted kidnapping of a teenager near her school. They talk about what a predator is, and advise listeners - particularly teens, the attacker's apparent target - how to stay safe. The episode is filled with practical non-nonsense advice, and at just under 20 minutes it's perfect for a listen in the car on the way to run errands. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's a fantastic introduction to the concepts of predatory violence, recognizing the predatory mindset and how to protect yourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The specific crime they're discussing happened in Seattle, but the situation occurs anywhere and everywhere, including where you live. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Listen to it, pass it along…stay safe out there.</span><br />
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Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-50129379606543109352013-11-05T12:00:00.001-06:002013-11-05T19:42:56.466-06:00One For The Boys<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm super excited about an upcoming series of classes at Fit and Fearless. Jason Fryer will be teaching a men-only series in January. This is something we've talked about for years but haven't done before, and I think it's a great idea. However, I've had some students tell me they don't think it's fair to exclude female students from the class…after all, women have had to fight for decades for the right to be fully included in sports - particularly combat sports - and some feel like a men-only class is a step in the wrong direction. So I thought I'd put in my 2 cents on why I disagree:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1 - Fair is fair. We've had female-only classes, taught by me, for years. I've always kicked men out of the room entirely - they can come in if I invite them to play a particular role in the class, but then they're out. Period. I do this because having another gender in the room changes the dynamic. We talk about things differently and train differently than in the co-ed classes, and I want the students to have the freedom to do that, so even male instructors are generally barred. To say, "we can do it but you can't" is unfair. Equality means equality for all. The argument has been put to me that it is different because women are still fighting to be treated as equals - and then the question always comes, "What if a bunch of white people wanted to have their own group and wouldn't let any black people come in? Would that be alright, too?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well, it's not the same. Race based groups who exclude others are generally saying, "We're awesome and everybody who is not us sucks". That is not what's happening here. This is not the beginning of the FnF He-Man Woman Hater's Club, any more than we disparage men in the women-only classes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even if there were no other reason than equal treatment for all students, I'd still support having the class. However, the bigger reason is…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 - Just as women have self-defense issues that are much more frequently faced by us (sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking) there are also issues that are much more frequently faced by men. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Monkey Dance and how to avoid it, questions of honor being challenged (and of courage and cowardice), different methods of de-escalation, protecting one's wife and child (if his wife trains in self-defense hurray, but most of our male students do not have that luxury). The issues listed for both genders can obviously be faced by anyone, but the reality is that different genders are <i><b>more</b></i> <i><b>likely</b></i> to deal a few problems more than others. As Drew put it to me recently, "You teach a lot about defending, then running away and calling the police. But I spend most of my time with my wife and child, and if we're attacked I can't run. I have to stay and fight to give <i><b>them</b></i> the opportunity to run." Just as the female students are given the opportunity to focus their training once a week on just their issues, the males should be able to step outside the regular curriculum and really hone in on what they specifically face.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3 - If a woman has a question she won't normally bring up in a co-ed group, she'll generally ask it in the women's class. The environment is intentionally created to encourage openness, and we sometimes toss the lesson plan aside and train techniques that will address certain questions or concerns brought up by a student. And I'm hearing from the guys that they'll be able to be more open about certain types of questions or concerns in a single gender class as well. Yes, it would be lovely if we all felt comfortable addressing every issue in front of everyone. But I'm going to give my students the support they need in the way they need it in the moment, if at all possible. Our job as instructors is to create an environment that meets each student's needs as an individual so that she or he can grow to become their own best self. Because if you're attacked, you're probably going to be on your own. We want to leave no stone unturned to make sure you have all the tools you need to survive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4 - Lastly, having Jason teach this class is going to make it awesome. He's put a great deal of thought and effort into creating a lesson arc that will let each man get the most out of this specific type of training. Jason is cerebral guy, very calm but resolute. His approachable, laid-back style creates a class where you can feel comfortable asking anything and can take the time to hone your technique, but when it's time to bring overwhelming ferocity he drops bombs and can help you do the same.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The class begins January 7, 2014 and runs for 4 weeks. It's only $39, which is crazy but true. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-6497952572226528742013-10-01T18:25:00.002-05:002013-10-01T18:25:43.145-05:00Should I Stay or Should I Go?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the women-only class we were practicing defending against being dragged off by our feet. As a prelim I had them lay prone on the floor arranged with each defender a few feet ahead of their intended attacker. On "GO" they jumped up and ran, the defender trying to reach the safe zone before the attacker could catch them and drag them back to the starting line. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some defenders were half-assing it because the knew their attacker wouldn't hurt them if they caught them. So I told the attackers to drag them back by their hair. Women generally hate being dragged around by their hair, so all of a sudden they were jumping up and running FAST. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I really gave them no true head start & sometimes the attackers were just faster & would catch them & drag them back. So the question came,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"When should I run and when should I fight?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I asked the class what they thought and as usual someone nailed it: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"You run when you can and you fight when you must." True! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One thing I notice in running these types of drills is that the fleeing trainee generally waits until the attacker has a hand already grabbing them or is starting to bearhug them. I personally think that's too late, because his momentum is going forward and he's already got the jump on you. To turn and fight at that moment puts you at a disadvantage because you're changing the direction of your own momentum and responding to his attack defensively instead of taking charge of the whole event. It's very difficult because you're making a decision in the blink of an eye within a frenzy of movement and being pursued by a predator tends to make people a bit panicky. So, I think we're going to keep practicing making that decision in the moment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We did it again later out in the parking lot. The chasee got a 1 second head start running toward the building to get into the front door - which I had rigged to not open on the first try, so unless they could force it open they'd have to make their stand and fight. It was creepy! And again, the attacker was always right on top of them before they made the decision to fight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So here's the rule we'll play by: Run when you can, fight if you must - but fight before they're physically on you and do it with everything you have and then RUN again once it's safe to escape. Get to safety. </span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-72499720048074027942013-05-30T17:56:00.005-05:002013-05-30T17:57:25.554-05:00Are You A Wet Cat?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No one is going to help you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but it's true. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://m.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/blotter/entries/2013/05/23/apd_seeks_possible_assault_vic.html/" target="_blank">This</a> happened in my town this week, and possibly in your town, too. I've talked about it before. No one is going to help you, so you've got to fight like you're all you've got. Because you probably are. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's fascinating really, the way the brain works to freeze us up and prevent us from helping someone who is obviously desperate. I first learned about it in the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_9?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=opening+skinner%27s+box&sprefix=opening+s%2Caps%2C227" target="_blank">Opening Skinner's Box</a>, many chapters of which I still think about years later.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On the other side of the coin, at work today I responded to an assistance call over the radio. I ran into the hall as fast as I could, with every other available officer running in from every direction, and we physically stopped what was happening. So what's different? We are normal people like everybody else. Why do we show up when the person on the street won't? Here's what I came up with:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*We spend many hours every day in an environment where the assumption is that violence will break out at any moment. It may be directed at someone else or at us, but it's going to happen, it's just a question of when. Now happily, it usually doesn't, and things generally click along smoothly. But it could turn on a dime. I think people may assume I'm talking about murder when I say "violence", but it could be as simple as two guys suddenly in a shouting match or someone throwing a sucker punch. Or maybe worse. Whatever the situation, my job is to stop it immediately. This, I believe, is the most important thing: We're mentally in a place that we understand it can happen, and it can happen now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*We're trained to respond to different types of aggression or violence, and taught to use different methods to solve different "problems". An hour after the incident I was in a small group talking to a person who could be quite dangerous if he wanted. Instead of a show of aggression, we used banter to keep things going in the direction we wanted, and a dangerous situation was simply avoided. Different problem, different solution.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Every other person dressed like us is going to run to put out the "fire". Do you want to be the only person standing there not helping? I don't.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*If someone does not respond, or seems to respond weakly in an emergency, that person loses respect. There is an expectation that you will be brave and you will give a competent response. The expectations of one's group have a very powerful influence on one's behavior.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you read the four points above you will see they are the opposite of normal society. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*In normal life (at least in my normal life) there is no expectation that violence could suddenly explode into being. That's why people are so shocked when it does. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Most people have little to no training, and if they do have training it is usually in a sports-type setting. This can certainly help, but it's not the same. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect" target="_blank">Every other person, if there are more one, will probably stand there and stare at the situation. </a> This makes it less likely that you will respond. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*If you're not a first responder, there is no realistic expectation that you will know what to do. I think people really do hope they'll know what to do. But once, "hey, what are you doing?" doesn't work, that's about all they've got. Because once you're in the situation you suddenly learn it's not like it is in the movies. And why would someone know how to respond to unexpected violence? If you refer to the above points, there's really nothing in normal life that would prepare us - indeed, the whole thing is set up to insulate us from sudden violence. Which I appreciate, because I like to be able to go to the mall without getting mugged. But if you want to learn to be prepared, you're going to have to go out of your way to get that education. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh, and another thing. People under stress follow orders. Big time. Think about what the attacker and the victim each said to the witness. The victim said, "he's going to kill me". The attacker gave the witness a direct order & told him to go away. He went away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you need help, say clearly and loudly, "Call 911!" "Please help me!" "Get me away from him!" Notice I'm not saying 'get him away from me', which would require the witness to grab the bad guy. Not many people want to grab the bad guy. You can even say, "I don't know him!" as many people are reluctant to get involved in a 'lover's quarrell' but are willing to help a victim of a stranger. It may not work, they may just stand there anyway, but it's worth a shot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But no matter what any witness does or does not do, you must fight like no one will help you. Have you ever tried to give a cat a bath? That's how you have to fight. Like a wet cat. Stay safe out there, y'all.</span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-73234699488722611382013-05-21T17:01:00.000-05:002013-05-21T17:01:23.250-05:00Do What You Can For Now<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A friend & former student wrote to me and my friend <a href="http://lakewayelitefitness.com/blog/" target="_blank">Jennie</a>, another Krav Maga instructor, asking about a scary situation she'd encountered. She also wanted to know what, if anything, she can do to help herself stay sharp since she can't really train outside of the occasional seminar. Here's what I think: if you don't have time to train regularly, you can still help yourself learn to keep yourself and your loved ones safe. Is it better to train? Of course! But life sometimes has other plans for us, so until then you can tread water by:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*One of the most important things you can do to stay safe is to be aware of your surroundings. Don't walk around endlessly texting and gabbing on your phone for extended periods. Know who's around you and who is moving your way. Be aware of the body language of those you're moving toward. Do you have a creepy feeling in your stomach? Get out of there. This doesn't make you paranoid. I watched some movie about criminals with Robert DeNiro (I think - this was years ago) and one of the things his character says is, "The only people paying attention are the criminals and the cops". It's so true.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A way to make this interesting is to mentally play the part of a predator. STOP RIGHT NOW...think about this...if you were someone else and you were going to attack the real you right now, how would you do it? Okay, what's another way besides that? Play that game when you're out somewhere...now switch it up, how would you attack that guy over there - and get away with it? Who's vulnerable and why? You don't necessarily have to kill them, just take their stuff and split. It's shocking how vulnerable we are simply because we're not paying attention. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*This is sort of part 2 of what's above - stay away from the 3 Stupids: Stupid people, stupid places, stupid activities. You don't need to stay sitting on your couch wearing a helmet murmuring, "no one can get me here", just understand that some places are more ripe for an unpleasant encounter than others. You know that friend you have, the one who always seems to set people off? Maybe do a cost-benefit analysis of hanging out with that person on weeknights. Then if you choose to do it, at least you're going in with your eyes open.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Stay fit. You don't have time to train? Fine. Go to the gym, take a class, lift weights. No time or money for that? Run in your neighborhood, do some pushups in your living room. We have t-shirts at our studio that say "Strong people are harder to kill and more useful in general". I like this. Reaching the goals that inherently come with fitness training breeds confidence. I like this too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Learn to tell people no without making excuses. I was going to say without feeling guilty, but I don't really care how you feel about it. However, making excuses can be used against you because it seems like you're not comfortable just drawing the line, and it's human nature to want to retreat into what's comfortable. Learn to draw the line in small matters, the big ones will come more easily. Make no mistake, it is often easier to strike back physically than it is to stand your ground socially. Practice.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*And the opposite: Learn to apologize when you didn't do anything wrong. "Oh, I'm sorry if it seemed I was staring you, I was just lost in space for a minute there. Sorry." And leave alive. <a href="http://chirontraining.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Rory Miller</a> writes about the whens-and-wheres of these tactics quite a bit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Take advantage of the folks who think about this stuff a lot. You can get a lot for a little by reading blogs like this one. I've already linked to Jennie Trower's site, here's a few more:</span><br />
<a href="http://chirontraining.blogspot.com/">http://chirontraining.blogspot.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/">http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.jarrettarthur.com/blog/">http://www.jarrettarthur.com/blog/</a><br />
<a href="http://rosstraining.com/blog/">http://rosstraining.com/blog/</a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those are the ones I follow, just for kicks I googled "self defense blog" and of course 93,700,000 came up. There's bound to be one that strikes a chord with you. Ok, rosstraining is mostly a workout blog, but the guy is a former boxer, and it's one of my favorite sites in the world. And naturally, you can silly nonsense by keyboard warriors online as well. Reader beware, and trust your gut.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*If you have kids, educate yourself about crimes against children (by adults and by other kids) then talk about this stuff with them. It can be difficult, but you'll find some ideas <a href="http://txkrav.blogspot.com/2012/02/7-year-old-girl-fights-off-attempted.html" target="_blank">here</a> on how to go about it. Thinking about how you can help your kids stay alive will make you creative quickly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*If the worst happens, and you're prey, and they've laid hands on you, FIGHT. However you can, as dirty and hard as you can, for as long as it takes to end the threat. Don't give them half and see if it's good enough. Go nuclear until the threat is over. Then RUN. When you're safe THEN immediately call the cops. And your lawyer, because it's probably going to get legal. You don't necessarily need any fancy techniques. This is the reason in level 1 Krav we keep trying to scare the crap out of you, then yell, GOOOOO! (That's "go", not "goo".)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Doing these things will make you more prepared than you'd be if you didn't do them. And ultimately, that's the best we can do, even when we <b>are</b> training. The question is how far you're willing and able to pursue that end.</span><br />
Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-63542398593409047012013-05-15T17:30:00.000-05:002013-05-15T17:30:10.984-05:00Really Bad. <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Below I link to a horrible video of a person getting stabbed in the face. If you've seen it you already know it's extremely tough to watch. However, I'm posting it because of a few things I noticed. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but if you choose to...watch for these things:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The attacker - clearly he isn't trying to kill her. If he wanted to do that he easily could have. I think he's trying to punish her, make her ugly...as in "oh, you're going to leave me? Well no one will ever want you again!". I don't know if that's correct, I don't know anything about the situation, I just notice he's not killing her, he's only stabbing her in the face. Or maybe he's just crazy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The victim - While she's trying to get her face out of the way by moving her head around & covering with her hands, that's about as far as she's taking her defense. I'm not trying to criticize her, the poor woman is probably in shock and incapable of doing anything else. I have to assume under the circumstances that if she could do more she would. I wonder if she had some training if she'd be able to get her feet up close to her body to maneuver better, use her arms to deflect the weapon, buck, etc.? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The bystanders - Here's where it actually gets interesting for me. <b>What fails</b>: There are a couple of young men who make little pathetic useless kicks at the attacker's body, and I've heard lots of people criticize them for not doing more. Personally, I feel those boys were very brave. They tried to stop a guy with a knife who clearly has no problem slicing people up. If he'd sliced out at them as they kicked and opened up an artery on the inside of their thigh, they'd be dead. How many strangers are you willing to die for? What I think is that they simply didn't know what to do to help her, so they tried as best they could. Which of course, was sadly not helpful at all. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>What succeeds</b>: One guy finally sneaks up & grabs him from behind ...crap, maybe you haven't seen it yet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://conditionedexistence.wordpress.com/2013/04/22/a-very-graphic-reason-why-you-should-know-self-defense/" target="_blank">Watch it</a> if you want to, I'm about to spoil the ending.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't look below this line unless you want to know what happens!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The man who grabs his hoodie from behind finally succeeds in pulling him off. Then, kneeling on his neck, pins him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do you notice the woman hops right up like she's merely tripped on the sidewalk? Then a few moments later she slowly sinks to the ground. Adrenaline is super powerful, but it doesn't last, and losing that much blood doesn't help, obviously. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And a truly extraordinary thing, the bystanders, having gotten the attacker away from his victim, protect him from mob justice and don't permit the crowd to beat him, which frankly he has coming, the bastard. Incredible self-control or ethics or I don't know what. Very impressive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It bothered me so much that only one guy on the scene knew what to do that we worked a bloodless version of this in 2 of my classes last week, to practice how and when to jump in in such a situation. It was really interesting. Knifing each other seemed to be out of the question so in one class we had the attacker beat the crap out of the victim with pads & lash out at anyone who came to help. No, the real attacker never did that, but the "bystanders" needed to be somewhat afraid to move in, because they damn sure would be in real life. In the second class we used a little Halloween party knife I had left over from my Psycho Ex-Girlfriend costume.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Don't you love me anymore? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wouldn't actually cut anyone, but it wouldn't feel good if it slammed into you either & I told the attacker to get wild with the knife to make the folks who tried to save the victim think twice before they moved in. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After the dust settled I asked the class, "what failed?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They said, "being timid" "being slow" "hoping someone else would help" "chasing the hand around to grab the knife, it's going too fast so you get cut"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"What succeeded?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Being sneaky" "Attacking from behind" "Being aggressive" "Totally committing to your attack" "Having someone else on your side attacking with you"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'd like to point out these are the same things that fail and succeed in most all self-defense situations. And if you reeeaaally want to take that ball and run with it look at the list of qualities the students gave for a successful defense. If you're ever attacked you should assume the attacker will strive to do most or all of these things, and defend accordingly.</span></div>
Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-26301123838321959432013-03-22T16:45:00.003-05:002013-03-22T17:02:03.704-05:00<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One thing I like about the women-only classes is that we work on issues not strictly covered in the normal Krav Maga curriculum. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kqZkiYaJso" target="_blank">Kelly Campbell</a> talked to me once about boundary setting - that if you can't stick up for yourself in life's small matters you won't stand your ground in the big ones either. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think that's very true, up to a point. My only hesitation on that score is that it's socially acceptable for a person being beaten or robbed to defend themselves if they know how. It is rarely socially acceptable for a woman to draw a line in the sand when everyone else is wearing the mask of playing nice. Nor is it something we are taught how to do, which is why people go along when they want to say STOP. Sometimes the consequences are disastrous, sometimes one is just left stewing about it & thinking, "I should have said..."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of the most important attributes for a woman to have in American culture is for her to be compliant. Nobody in class believes me when I say that, but then I tell them "Have you ever tried to set a lunch date with someone you don't know well? Here's how the conversation goes:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: left;"> Where would you like to go?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Oh, I don't care, where would you like to go?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Oh, anything. What kind of food do you like to eat?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I like everything, really. Let's just do whatever you like.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> No, no, I'm happy with whatever you'd prefer....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This continues until one lady can't take it anymore & gives in and chooses a restaurant. The one who chooses, loses the game. Am I lyin'? You know I'm not!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since we generally aren't taught how to say what we want in social situations, that's what we practice sometimes in class. It was awesome last week because a new student was an 18 year old girl about to go away to college, prime time for being taken advantage of for being too "nice".</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's the exercise: your partner, preferably someone you aren't friends with (so there will be some social stigma about being rude to them & therefore add tension to the game) crosses a social line with you. Maybe they just stand uncomfortably close and stare at you. Maybe they stand behind you and whisper in your ear (it doesn't even have to be inappropriate words. In case I actually need to say it, people you don't know well shouldn't be creeping up on you and whispering.) Maybe they don't stand very close, but they look you up and down and say, "That is one fine ass." Whatever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of those actions is appropriate, but they don't necessarily earn 15 palm heel punches in the face either. The student's job is simply to verbally tell the person their behavior is unwelcome, and to emphasize that with body language and voice. It's one of the most tense classes we have. People turn red, they sweat, they giggle, they stammer. They almost never, in their first several tries, successfully tell their harasser to stop. Usually they'll freeze, then they'll get upset that they're frozen, then once I insist they keep at it they ask their partner to stop in a small voice, THEN once they've exhausted all other possibilities they insist in no uncertain terms that they be left alone. Then they're physically exhausted. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love this drill because I'm convinced it's so necessary, and we learn things about ourselves we would never have guessed. Most of us think we're assertive. Nope. What's even cooler is the second time someone does the exercise she usually OWNS it. From the very beginning. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you don't have anyone you can practice with (it's easy to tell your friends to get lost when you're "playing"), set yourself a goal. Next time you want to say no or draw a boundary, do it. If you find that you can't do it, figure out why. Are you afraid they won't like you? Are you afraid they'll hurt you? Is your self image that of "the nice one"? Once you figure that out, resolve to try again and then do it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll tell you, I told someone no today and I think I hurt her feelings a little bit. I feel a little badly about that, but I wanted to continue what I was doing and if I'd stopped for her I would have smiled about it on the outside but resented it on the inside. I don't want to do that any more, so I said no. And I don't regret it. I'll pay extra attention to her later, and she'll get over it or she won't. I can't control that. But I do prefer to be in control of how I spend my time, so that's the choice I made. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What choice will you make?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-56040748649844066192013-03-11T11:16:00.003-05:002013-03-11T11:48:52.421-05:003 Seconds, 2 Observations<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I first saw this video on my friend Jason's Facebook page, and it's come to mind several times since then as a quick illustration of a couple of the things we often refer to in Krav Maga. Check it out:</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/-fmVGbL42WE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The first thing that blew me away (ha ha, get it?) was that without thinking, the intended victim's physical reaction was to jerk his head away from the line of fire and to push the gun away with his hand. In Krav we refer to the fact that an effective defense should generally be based on the body's instinctive reactions to a threat. This makes the defense easy to learn, because your body wants to do that stuff anyway. Once you start doing gun defenses in class you'll find that you'll be striving to immediately get yourself off the line of fire & redirect the gun (+ other stuff after that). So seeing this guy do it automatically was pretty cool. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The second thing you'll probably notice is that after he redirects the weapon and it fails to fire, both he & the gunman freeze & stare at each other. I've heard some folks making fun of them for this, but but the truth is, that's the way these things usually play out. That freeze is their brains realizing what they thought was going to happen that day is NOT going to happen and something else - something bad - IS happening. Right now. Their brains (and <b><i>your</i></b> brain, should you find yourself in sudden unexpected danger) needs that split second to figure out what's going on and what to do about it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All this life changing stuff is happening in under 3 seconds. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Next everyone else in the room starts experiencing their own freeze, trying to comprehend what just happened. Then, of course, mob justice. Once one person strikes the gunman, it becomes a free for all. It's hard for me to watch a bunch of people stomping, kicking and hitting a downed individual who is not fighting, in spite of the fact that I just watched him try to murder someone in cold blood (also hard to watch, btw). I know this guy has it coming. I can't say I wouldn't be in there with the mob myself, given the same circumstances. But from the outside looking in it makes my stomach woozy to watch it.</span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-35401021918967708242013-01-08T13:54:00.002-06:002013-01-08T14:56:15.425-06:00Working It Out<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've been absent from this blog for a while because I've been absent from my life for a while. Working nights turned out to be my kryptonite - but I'm working days again! I'm aliiiive!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So a student wrote me recently & asked for some advice because her husband is becoming unhappy about her new dedication to training in Krav Maga. This is something my husband & I briefly went through, and it's quite common. It happens when either gender is a trainee, but it seems to be far more frequent when the trainee is female, because this sort of martial arts training is not "normal" for girls. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now that I've got a little distance from the situation as it relates to my own life, here's my take on it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is the trainee's point of view: <i>I can suddenly do things I never dreamed were possible! I can be strong and fast, and I can fight through fear. I get to go to a class full of people who like the same things I like, who support me when I want to quit - and let me support them. I am so much stronger than I thought I was and it's an incredible rush. I wish everyone could feel this. I'm noticing how my new confidence is positively affecting every other area of my life and I want more. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Their mate's point of view is different: </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My mate used to act one way and now they are completely different. They suddenly have a whole new set of friends that I don't know and can't relate to, since I'm not interested in all that "fighting" stuff. My mate used to wear normal clothes & now they just wear sweaty workout clothes </i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(or as my husband once dryly put it, "oh baby, I love that swishy sound you make when you wear your grandma track pants." </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My partner used to talk about lots of different things and now its all about punching and kicking. They're obsessed & they won't shut up about it! They tell <u style="font-weight: bold;">everyone</u> ad nauseum. And finally there is the undeniable intimacy of Krav Maga training.</i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> (This, of course, applies to many other styles of training as well. As my husband snapped at me, "you're rolling around on the ground with a bunch of guys who look like movie stars!" I tried explaining to him "that guy is trying to punch me in the face. That's not sexy." But he wasn't buying it) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Eventually something has to change or an agreement has to be reached between the partners. Most people want their mate to come to class with them. I got my husband to come once, just to see what it was like, and it helped. But ultimately for us that was not a solution. He knows how to defend himself and I really wanted this to be just for me. He races mountain bikes and rides all kinds of bicycles many hours a week. He doesn't want me around then. It's just for him. And I think that's awesome. We all need a room of our own.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here are some things I did that fixed our situation: 1 - I learned to shut up about what we did in class that night. The truth is he was sick of it and didn't want to hear it. It was hard because I felt like I was keeping a whole part of myself away from him and it hurt my feelings that he didn't want to hear about something that was so important to me. But facts are facts: he was tired of hearing about it, so I needed to give him a break. He still had to suck it up while I told every other human on the planet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2 - He likes me to look nice & found Krav Maga outfits to be de-feminizing and unattractive. I started taking ballet lessons a few months ago & took the opportunity to buy a bunch of ballet workout outfits. Of course, any cute clothes would do. He loves it. I get to wear athletic wear whenever I want & he gets to see me in cute clothes. Win-win. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3 - I told my closest guy friends/training partners that he was having a hard time with how we were always plastered onto each other and they understood completely and said they'd probably feel the same. So because they are awesome they went out of their way to get to know my husband and to make him comfortable that they were good guys who would look out for me and not try to take advantage of me in any way, on the mat or off. That was a huge help. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4 - I got him to watch UFC fights with me. At first he thought it was just about brutality and was repulsed, but since I insisted on continuing to watch he did, too. As he learned about the incredible skill involved and came to respect the sport he ended up being an even bigger enthusiast than me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5 - Finally, he came and watched part of my very first belt test. He saw how hard I was working to overcome fear, frustration, exhaustion, and just the general desire to quit. Those feelings never go away, by the way. You just get better at overcoming them. He saw the training itself had a complete lack of bullshit or baby sitting. And he was really, really proud of me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He gets it now. He likes my friends and know they have my back. He likes how much stronger, happier, and more confident I am than I was before. And I've learned how to take it down a notch and only tell him the stories that really matter the most. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are a few people reading this who might be offended. They might think I should have just told him to zip it because I'm over at Krav class gettin' all empowered and he's holding me back. But one of the things we learn in Krav Maga is you only fight when you have no other choice. First try to</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> solve a problem with your brain instead of your fists </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(or mean words). If you can create a win-win, then why on earth would you not do that?</span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-61593167293467249772012-11-05T01:10:00.000-06:002012-11-05T01:10:33.757-06:00KM Smackdown<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love slapping people. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's fairly rare that </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the opportunity</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> to do so</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> presents itself.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I have a strict policy of no men being present in the room during the ladies-only class, but Miss Smurf has been after me for some time to put a guy in the fight suit and bring him in to let them practice striking a live human. So last weekend we finally did it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Big J (not the same guy as Big Daddy J) put on the suit and choked our females then took his beating like a champ. However, one lady didn't feel comfortable striking him, so I offered to let her hit me instead. The price of admission, however, was that I was gonna slap the crap out of her. Now it might appear that I was just trying to slap somebody, which was probably not the case. Once one lady decided she was game, several others followed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The truth of the matter is that after a lifetime of being told to play nice, hitting another person, even when being attacked, can be extremely difficult for female students. Learning how to hit an actual person instead of a pad is an important part of one's self defense education. It just so happens, however, if you slap a woman in the face & drag her around by her hair she tends to override her hesitation to strike pretty quickly. We weren't doing hair grabs that day, so I just made them close their eyes, gave them a good hard slap in the face & grabbed them by the throat. You should have seen them come after me! I was so proud. My right shin is all swollen and black and blue because they all kept kicking me there for some reason. That got old pretty quickly but, let's face it, I was not exactly in a position to complain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Also, I'm happy to say that on a personal level it was an accomplishment to be the padded attacker. I ended up taking the role on so suddenly that all I had time to put on was head protection & a mouthpiece (hence the bruises) but I felt great anyway. I remember the first time I ever saw one of the padded suits in the first self defense seminar I ever attended. "That guy is crazy!" I thought. "I'd never do that!" Later I'd occasionally see instructors don them during training and even though I never expected to be that guy, I started to envy them a little for being willing to take some battering to help their students learn. Even through the suit you still get banged up. This year I decided I wanted to be that guy. The only rules I gave them were don't punch me in the throat and don't strike me in the back of the skull at the base (i.e., please don't kill me). And they didn't! So last weekend made me really happy both for my students and for myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong><em><u>2 THINGS I AM NOT LYING ABOUT</u></em></strong>:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">1 - If you have an emotional meltdown in class and start crying, I don't mind. Neither does anybody else. I've done it. Loads of people have done it. Lizard brains are strong and they do what they want, when they want. In fact, watching people work through a post traumatic stress episode, come out of it, and then have the courage to come back to class to face the same situation again in an effort to master their fear is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. It makes me proud to work with them and pushes me to work to be a better instructor to be worthy of training with them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">2 - I respect people who refuse to participate in class when they feel unsafe or overwhelmed by what we're doing on the mat. Think about it: <em>everyone</em> else in the room is doing the technique, rooting each other on, etc. And <em>one</em> person stands there and says "Nope. I'm not doing that." It takes a certain amount of backbone to be the only one who won't go along, and I like people with a backbone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-45085417186589936762012-10-20T04:17:00.000-05:002012-10-20T04:17:41.784-05:00Dominate! Yes!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes teaching is so much fun and the best part is often watching the students figure stuff out as they're doing it. Remembering the times I've done that myself and looking forward to doing it again - its watching people give themselves over to learning that makes me excited to go to class.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">A couple of fun things happened the other night. First I'll say that we don't get much direct hands-on contact in level 1 against a strongly resisting opponent. Our focus is more on teaching basic techniques, getting people up to a fitness level that will allow them to perform, and instilling a fighting spirit. We strike pads & choke each other, but we don't get down & get funky too much. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So sometimes just for fun I'll very quickly show people some basic ground positions (usually mount, guard, half guard, and side guard if I remember that one). Then I'll set them up on their knees with their partner & say "GO". I tell them not to try to finish anyone off, the goal is just to "<em>dominate your opponent</em>". Once you've accomplished that just reset & go again. The<strong><em> real </em></strong>goal, of course, is to get them used to putting hands on someone who is actively trying to make them submit. I stole this from Matt, btw. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So on to the fun things: #1 - Girls always look pissed off when they do this exercise. Guys can usually keep a pretty passive face or even grin like a monkey the whole time, but girls generally look like they're about to pop. This is true of myself as well, I can't keep a neutral face & perform well. So you'd think I'd <em><strong>know</strong></em> this but the other day these 2 girls were wrassling & it was ON. You'd think they had a vendetta. I almost stopped them a couple of times because I was so sure they had really become really angry with each other. Once I finally made them stop they started laughing & hugging & giving each other feedback on how to do better in the next round.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">2# - Similar situation with the guys. I'm walking around monitoring, mostly just making sure nobody kills their partner when I come upon a couple of guys. One has the other in a fierce headlock on the ground. He is cranking <strong><em>hard. </em></strong>I say, "Time! What are you doing?!" The guy looks at me like it's Christmas morning & I'm Santa Claus and says, "I'M DOMINATING!" His opponent/partner, who can now breathe again laughs and agrees. Everyone is being such a good sport, it was just awesome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">At the end of class a female who had been unable to perform a technique in spite of several tries pointed out her failure. The Dominator said (and this is all in caps because he bellowed the whole thing), "THAT'S OKAY! I FAIL ALL THE TIME! I FAIL AND I FAIL AND I FAIL AND THEN I <strong>WIN! I FAIL AND THEN I DOMINATE! YES!</strong>"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I guess I'm really writing all this because I'm so grateful in general for my students right now and for this class in particular. I confess I'm a little stressed out lately. But every class I get to see people struggle and triumph or resolve to try again. They face their fears, they help each other, they forgive readily the random accidental smack in the face. They work hard and with a great attitude. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, thanks y'all for showing me for showing me the best of yourselves and making me excited to come back and do it all again.</span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-8723925901442729312012-09-25T03:54:00.001-05:002012-09-25T03:54:34.215-05:00I take It Back<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't <em><strong>think</strong></em> I was full of shit when I made my last post. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I said didn't have much feeling one way or the other about the more extreme crimes committed by some of the inmates housed in the facility in which I work, I believed it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Then the very next night something changed my mind. A particular inmate was convicted of doing something violent and horrible to a person who was defenseless. I won't say what he did, because I really don't know what I'm allowed to say outside of work. This guy was being moved to someplace he didn't want to go and told a lie to postpone it. First he said it to another officer, then later to me. I told him he was going anyway and he just turned around and sat down, emotionless. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">When he spoke to me I had the sensation of cockroaches crawling on my skin.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I told another, more experienced officer how I'd reacted and she told me, "That's your instinct warning you. Listen to it."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">She made me think of Gavin de Becker's "Gift of Fear". The people I used to refer to in Krav Maga class as "types" of attackers are real people now with faces and names and voices. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-73512825411559906822012-09-18T03:49:00.000-05:002012-09-18T04:07:32.456-05:00New Job, Random Thoughts<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been working on the floor of a jail for almost 4 months now, and here are a few things I've noticed:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">*Apparently it's a myth that all inmates claim they're innocent. I've worked with several hundred of them by now and only one has insisted, every time anyone would listen to her, that she didn't do it. Her story never changed, I noticed, no matter how many times she told it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">*What I do hear frequently is "what I did wasn't that bad, my sentence is way too harsh". I try not to roll my eyes or have any visible reaction on that one. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">*I expected to have more animosity toward the inmates, at least the ones who have done some things I find shocking or horrible. Strangely, I don't have much emotion about it one way or the other. Maybe because I haven't heard anyone bragging? They drilled it into us at the academy that I'm here to be their keeper, not their judge, and maintaining that attitude seems to make the job easier and probably keeps me behaving more ethically.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">*I get lied to a lot. A LOT. Blatantly. Holy cow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">*The other day within less than 2 minutes I saw a heated argument beginning between two inmates over the most ridiculous nitpicky bullshit you can imagine and 30 feet away I witnessed one inmate behaving with such kindness and generosity toward another who was struggling that I was deeply moved. Incarceration seems to hold a magnifying glass up to the best and the worst in us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">*You can't tell by looking at someone who is here for not paying their traffic tickets and who murdered someone. Sometimes its the most pleasant people who have done the worst stuff. Which means when you're at the grocery store you can't tell by looking at people who is going home to provide a loving, supportive and stable household and who is going to go home and beat the shit out of their 6 year old for not putting away the groceries fast enough. While I obviously have some knowledge of the people I'm working directly with, it seems that the most useful thing I can do is pay attention and listen to my gut. There's a line in the book Game of Thrones (my current obsession) where Arya's swordfighting teacher reminds her "See with your eyes". What he means is for her to put aside her hopes and fears of how the swordfight might unfold, to release her assumptions about her opponents strengths, weaknesses and intentions. To see with her eyes she must observe objectively her opponent's behavior in this moment and act according to the situation. It's so hard!! I'm learning to see with my eyes. It turns out that jumping to conclusions is a big time-saver. </span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-88118271854024161002012-09-02T03:27:00.001-05:002012-11-05T01:17:18.604-06:00Try Not To Think About It<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've started teaching again and it makes me so happy. Working in the jail is good, the inmates are fascinating to me, but I'm a teacher at heart. And a student, too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">We've re-started the women-only class now that my time at the academy is finished. Today we worked defenses against chokes, both standing and on the ground. Additonally we talked about the whens and why's of eye contact.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But what's really on my mind right now is some of the questions I received from a student and in particular how she asked them. Okay, I'll be frank, I can't remember her exact questions. But the gist of it is something we hear frequently: "You're teaching me this, but what if he does that? Or that? Or that?" Occasionally this line of questioning devolves into the "27 ninjas" scenario...what if 27 ninjas come at me all at once? What do I do then?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Now this woman was NOT giving me one of those scenarios, and her questions were completely valid. But she was asking us in a sort of shy and uncomfortable way that tells me she doesn't yet believe she can pull this stuff off. Not that there's anything wrong with that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The truth is there are experienced trainees who have have beaten off an attack successfully and those who have failed. There are people who have never trained a day in their life who have beaten off an attack successfully and those who have failed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">What we're doing in class is merely working to improve our chances. That probably is a real bummer to hear, but it's true. No matter how much you train, there are no guarantees you will succeed. <u><em><strong>Anyone</strong></em></u> has the potential to lose when attacked. But here's the awesome news. You might be "anyone". <em>But</em> <em>your attacker might be "anyone", too</em>. Isn't that lovely? I think it is. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So here's what you do in class. When you are new to training, don't try to master all the "what if" scenarios. That comes bit by bit as you continue to train. Absolutely ask "what if" questions if its something that's bugging you or if you've faced a particular situation in the past or expect to in the future. But don't get eaten up with all the minutia of each possibility, you'll drive yourself nuts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Allow yourself time to work on the basics and to master what makes them effective. Things like driving with your feet and transferring your weight to put the power of your whole body into a strike. Engaging with aggression while maintaining control. Staying loose instead of tightening up & moving like Frankenstein's monster (we all do it sometimes). And one of the most important, yet most difficult: learning to keep a clear head under pressure. These concepts apply regardless of the technique you're performing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">If you can get your body to grasp all these concepts they will serve you well no matter if an attacker does "this" or "that". </span> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As you put the concepts into play through repetition of training, and you work them into a growing number of techniques, your confidence will grow along with your chances of success.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Thanks to everyone who came out today, we'll be working one person's choke from behind "what if" on the first Saturday of October. Come train with us!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-6664170102956714562012-06-04T23:28:00.000-05:002012-06-04T23:34:09.570-05:00Running and Burning<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Running: </b>One of my coaches recommended a new training technique to me, so I thought I'd give it a go & see if I liked it. It was horrible. You should totally do it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's a 1.5 mile track near my house, so I took my dog Raleigh, The Raleigh Lama, with me and did this: run about 200 yards fast. The sad reality is that I'm slow as Christmas, but I was pushing it to move fast. Stop & do 10 squats. Run 200 more yards. 10 pushups (burpees, lunges, whatever). Run 200 yards, etc. Keep it up for a mile and a half. I was dying about a mile in, audibly sucking wind. That far in, the exercises actually started to feel like a break. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As we rounded the track & ended back up near the start Raleigh started dragging me back toward the car, so I went along & grabbed him a bowl of water. After he lapped it up I said, "Ok boy, let's do another!" intending to just jog the next lap, as I was clinging to some shred of sanity. He moped back along, and I could tell he didn't really want to do it again...oh, jeez, do I really have to drive this dog home and come back for the second lap? The thing is, Raleigh is about 12 years old, smart enough to do your taxes and he's never steered me wrong. So yeah, I drove him home and came back to run (jog) the next lap. I was pooped. POOPED! But happy. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7nLYDYVROZuYYE5INXNlzUolsUJTN0wka8jL6J_n51EobT4JIjI5AyoN75NvP6cCZT_jTVDg0J6w_2zMS1H-Aj-2GV69eyuknkEB-OPUNFyWBQ1aVE-NhDcXapPF7qDwyn_1idjW1M1o/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-06-04+at+10.44.14+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7nLYDYVROZuYYE5INXNlzUolsUJTN0wka8jL6J_n51EobT4JIjI5AyoN75NvP6cCZT_jTVDg0J6w_2zMS1H-Aj-2GV69eyuknkEB-OPUNFyWBQ1aVE-NhDcXapPF7qDwyn_1idjW1M1o/s320/Screen+Shot+2012-06-04+at+10.44.14+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I trust this dog's judgement.</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The last couple of years I've focused so much on learning to be a good instructor & studying the psychology of violence that I forgot to be a lean mean fighting machine. Being at the academy has forced me to get back out there & use my body, and it feels really good. So, yes, I do recommend trying this workout, it's difficult but I think there will be a nice payoff if I keep doing it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Burning:</b> I'm not supposed to talk about specific law enforcement or corrections training that I experience or witness, but I don't think it's any big secret that those who serve, if they might carry pepper spray, have to get sprayed. I got sprayed a few days ago. I'm here to tell you that stuff is it's own special Hell. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For about the first 20 seconds I thought, wow, this is really horrible, but I can handle it, I can keep my eyes open just a teensy bit. Maybe 5 seconds later the 2nd wave hit me and quite frankly I don't know how to describe it. My eyes slammed shut. I have been told repeatedly that would happen, but somehow I still thought I would be able to open them. You know, because I'm special. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i style="font-weight: bold;"><u><br /></u></i></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i style="font-weight: bold;"><u>NO</u>.</i> </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I tried prying them open with my fingers, but my face was drenched and slippery because they had to spray me twice, since my eyes closed when they did it the first time.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not realizing I had actually finished the task I was to complete while my face was on fire, I felt someone grab me and say, "stop, it's over, it's over!" and pull me outside, where someone else dragged me away to get hosed down with water. That's when I panicked.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I almost drowned once in a scuba accident in the Florida Keys when I was about 12 years old, and when the water hit my face it all came rushing back. I was determined not to cry or scream, but was fighting the urge to do both. Because I still couldn't see and now couldn't breathe and was panicking, I was afraid I'd faint and slam my head on the ground. I dropped to my knees just in case and rocked myself furiously while I tried to wash my face and eyes and not to have a total meltdown. Later, helping out, it was obvious that most people panic when the water hits them. In the moment you can't even believe how overwhelming the feeling of pain and panic is, and you know it isn't going to be over any time soon. The next day I saw some friends who've been sprayed in the past & they poked me and said, "Ha ha! Your face is still all puffy!" I felt like I had a raging fever for about the next 18 hours, which was really interesting, since I knew it was just the ground up hot peppers someone had flung all over my face and eyes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Me.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I suspect it's just as painful but not as overwhelming the second time. I hope I never find out. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-39827006791942362232012-05-13T13:44:00.002-05:002012-05-13T13:48:44.486-05:00P.R.E.A.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a Krav Maga instructor, one of my favorite things to do is come up with drills and exercises that mess with people's heads. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The goal might be to scare them into a freeze & get them to fight through it, create a confusing situation that forces them to take action even when no obvious correct course exists, or tell them things are going to be one way and then change the rules mid-stream so they have to deal with a situation as it actually is and not the way they thought it would be.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whatever the situation is at any given moment, my ultimate purpose is always the same: create a situation where they are forced to <b><i>feel</i></b> stress and <b><i>act</i></b> to end the situation in their favor. While it's important to give serious thought to what you would/should/could do in a dangerous situation and to create a plan, I really believe that intellectualizing these things isn't enough. As they say, everybody has a plan until they get hit in the face. We often have to experience things ourselves, for good or ill, to totally understand. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of my own teachers at the Sheriff's academy appears to have the same philosophy. A little while ago we had a class on the prevention of sexual assault in the jail - specifically on the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prison_Rape_Elimination_Act_of_2003" target="_blank">Prison Rape Elimination Act</a>. I confess I never really gave this much thought before, and even had a somewhat callous and indifferent attitude about it. As <a href="http://www.parkerwestbrook.com/ParkerWestbrook.com/Audio_Interviews/Entries/2011/6/20_Survivor_interview__rape.html" target="_blank">Miss Charlotte</a> says, "Nobody wants to talk about rape except to make jokes about prison rape, like that's some great thing."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So anyway - we were sitting in class & the instructor came in and asked us to give him some elements we thought a good leader should have. We said things like decisiveness, good organization skills, compassion, good communication skills, honor, trustworthiness and intelligence. Then he asked us to say the name of someone in class who embodied those qualities. Nobody raised their hand - we're a pretty cohesive group and no one wanted to single out a member, but I can never keep my mouth shut for long, so I raised my hand and mentioned that Mr. G seemed to embody all those things.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mr. G was removed from the class & several minutes later led back in - but the officer's uniform he'd been wearing had been replaced by an inmate uniform and he was handcuffed like a prisoner. I was scandalized to see him like that.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Standing next to him in front of the class the instructor asked us to imagine our Mr. G, with all his admirable qualities intact, as an inmate in our jail. He asked us to imagine him being sexually assaulted and even raped. It was very upsetting to think about and I wanted them to take those damn cuffs off my friend and put him back in his officer's uniform where he belongs.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the point was well taken. All the instructors have been stressing honor and ethics in the job, and the fact that we are the keepers of the inmates, not their judges. But holy cow, it wasn't until somebody started screwing with my head like I do with my students that I truly <i><b>felt</b></i> it. Then we had to watch a documentary about a young man incarcerated in another Texas jail who killed himself after the staff ignored his pleas for protection after being repeatedly raped by other inmates. Sometimes the stuff we study is pretty depressing.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm not trying to imply that my instructors are encouraging us to baby, pamper, or feel sorry for inmates. They're not - not even a little bit. But they are teaching us to remember that each human being is more than the current clothes they are wearing, and to make sure the jail is safe and secure for the officers, the surrounding community, <b><i>and</i></b> the inmates.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I came away from the lesson with the determination that the inmates under my supervision are going to follow the rules and behave - and that no one is going to screw with them. No pun intended.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's pretty much exactly the way I've run things in classrooms in martial arts and the school district, just with more education thrown in and the stakes raised.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to admit I'm grateful for the lesson even though it involved a little slap in the face and am a little embarrassed by my previous attitude. So, instructor, I'd say that was a job well done.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-30536148574596715932012-04-24T18:22:00.001-05:002012-04-24T18:25:32.215-05:00Guest Blogger Rory Miller!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyone who has spent much time training with me has heard me yapping on about the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Violence-Comparison-Martial-Training/dp/1594391181/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335309024&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Meditations on Violence</a> and how you should be reading it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The author, Rory Miller, came to Fit and Fearless a few years ago to give a seminar and I, happily, was his contact person. We've stayed in touch since then and he's always been a huge influence on my training, as well as being an all-around pleasure to talk to. I'm feeling all mushy now, so I'll shut up & let you get to the good stuff:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><b>Meat</b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Parker wrote something a while ago, and it inspired me (which Parker often does...)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">You can read it here:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><a href="http://txkrav.blogspot.ca/2012/03/dont-make-move-nah.html">http://txkrav.blogspot.ca/2012/03/dont-make-move-nah.html</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">We are all made of meat. We forget that. We live in a world where things don't seem to eat people. Not being eaten feels normal. And so we forget that we are made of meat. And most of the time it is a safe thing to forget. Maybe even justifiable. But when it becomes important, when the tiger leaps or the knife flashes up, damn. Because we are made of meat.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">We forget that, historically, the meat world is normal. The safe world, where things don't wait in the dark to eat us, is new. So new it shines.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">And we are programmed, designed, evolved to live in the meat world. Our deepest programming-- fight, flight, freeze; eat when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired-- are all about being meat. We are wired to deal with a world far more dangerous and violent than this one. And that's a good thing, because when the safe world slips or shatters and what matters is blood and fear, we're kind of set up for that. It is natural and if you let yourself be an animal, you have a good chance. Your ancestors, after all, survived far worse. You are the product of thousands (or more) generations of success.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">But... as much as we are wired to survive in the world where things eat and are eaten, human survival strategy is to get along, to live and work in groups that can protect us by having a mass of people and a range of resources. Part of getting along is to expect a nice world in order to create and maintain the nice world. When things go bad, our wiring to survive (and sometimes even our training) comes in direct conflict with our conditioning-- the years and years of being taught to get along.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">We interact nicely with the nice world, which allows it to be the nice world. But the world will never be completely nice or completely safe, because to be the only nasty person in a world of nice people is a superpower. The person who can operate at the level of meat has an almost insurmountable advantage over the person who can only operate at the level of feelings.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Embrace the nice world. But do it as a choice. It is not the only world or the only way to look at the world. Get to know yourself as an animal. Learn the world of prey and predator, where things are made of meat. It _is_ natural. And if you must go there, go with your whole heart and trust your DNA.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Rory</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Montreal Apr 2012</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-35333054775131906672012-04-19T18:55:00.000-05:002012-04-19T18:55:04.854-05:00An Update: I'm Tired<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No lie. Today about halfway during PT one of the instructors asked, as we cadets attempted to breathe and remain standing at the same time, "does anyone have any injuries?"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I seriously considered begging him to punch me in the throat so I could say yes and it would be over. For once my brain overrode my mouth and I just said, "NO, SIR!" so the whole class wouldn't have to pay for my smart-ass-ness.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to admit, I had no idea how much education goes into a corrections job. We study or attend interactive lectures every day for hours on every facet of the jail system, case law, the Constitution It's quite fascinating, really, but I'm glad it's almost Friday because my head is so crammed full of new stuff that each new fact is having to work harder to squirm it's way into my brain. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Every day they harp on honesty, integrity and professionalism and that makes me really proud to be hanging out with these people.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's pretty much it...my whole life right now consists of studying, doing insane exercises invented by brutal Soviet scientists during the Cold War, studying, shining my boots, and studying. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now I must sign off, because I kid you not, it's time to study. And then I have to shine my freaking boots. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6 more weeks.</span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-15747120603618694852012-04-04T19:55:00.002-05:002012-04-20T19:15:39.550-05:00On Abject Terror<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I usually edit these posts to within an inch of their lives, but I'm so pressed for time I'm just jamming this out, so good luck to me...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've joined the cadet class of corrections officers at a Texas sheriff's office. It's been a wild ride so far & I'm completely overwhelmed. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But what I want to tell you about is an experience I had at the end of class today. We do some sort of PT (physical training) every day. This might be running, calisthenics, etc. Today we did the big obstacle course. Not the one I qualified on. The big one. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The big one that seems to confront every physical weakness and phobia I have. And I don't have many, so it was particularly diabolical. First we had to weave ourselves over and under a bunch of large horizontal pipes that were high enough off the ground for me to need to step on something to get on it. Exhausting and very scary. So scary that I was shaking by the end of it, because the damn pipes just kept getting higher. My teammates helped by literally pushing me sometimes. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We did other scary stuff that all required excellent grip strength and upper body strength. I don't have that stuff. So then I was REALLY shaking. Next we had to jump over some walls. Now I'm not good at that, but my friend Matt taught me how to do it, so I thought I'd be fine. NO. With so much adrenaline coursing through me I tripped at the top & slammed face first into the ground. Shaking harder now...the little intermediate wall, I don't know what the hell it's doing there, it's only 2 feet tall (seriously) but my body was shutting down so - you guessed it - I tripped & fell on my face again. I wish you could have seen the look of disbelief on my instructor's face. Strangely, the 3rd wall was not problem. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then we crossed other hideous obstacles. If they were high off the ground I shook uncontrollably & did it slowly or with assistance or both. If they were not high off the ground I was totally fine.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then I faced my arch-enemy. The rope wall. Just climb this little 20-ish foot wall, clamber over the log at the top & clamber down. I have never ascended 3 feet up a rope wall, and it's not for lack of trying (net wall? I don't know, it's a net made of rope).</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The instructor said we didn't have to do it if we didn't want to (we were already well past time to go home & I think he thought I might be having a stroke), but that just made me more determined. Because I am stupid. So I climbed up, got to the top and froze. I mean I froze in terror. Not like "no one is going to ask me to the prom" terror, but "if I fuck this up I'm going die or spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair" terror. My instructor was up there, too, trying to talk me while I just clutched the log like a baby monkey murmuring "ohGod-ohGod-ohGod". </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So he asked me, "do you feel confident?" My hands were occupied so I couldn't choke him. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"No, I do not feel confident!" He told me to go back down the way I came. This did not compute. No way. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The other instructor grinned at me from the ground & said, "hey there, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I thought of something my friend told me once. I won't say here who it is, because it was a private conversation & he said not everyone appreciates hearing it. He told me this: nothing matters. Sounds sad, right? He said in 100 years we'll all be dead & nothing but a distant memory to a very few people. In 300 years no one will ever know we, as individuals, existed. So do what is meaningful to you right now and don't worry about what people think, don't worry about failing. Because it doesn't matter. I find this incredibly liberating.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So when the instructor said that, I heard my friend saying, "It doesn't matter." And I unfroze & let the instructor up there with me talk me through the rest of the exercise. He is a very patient man. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, I faced my terror. While we stood at attention for the lowering of the flags I was still shaking so hard my teeth were chattering. I have a massive swollen green shin from where I fell at the beginning of the course. I don't don't care, because I faced my terror. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It may not matter, but it matters to me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Btw, all the other cadets were incredibly supportive & cheered me on. I overheard one guy say to another as I finished my descent, "I think I hear Eye of the Tiger playing in the background". :) I like these people.</span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-84227374029955358622012-03-09T16:09:00.001-06:002012-03-09T16:19:19.162-06:00Don't Make a Move! Nah.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was about 17 years old. My grandfather had moved out to the country, so far out that boondocks would be the polite term. People in these areas often keep lots of animals, and most of the folks near him had a bajillion dogs, cats, chickens, fighting cocks, goats, etc. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But one family had a taste for exotics. They periodically had various creatures, but the permanent residents I remember were the golden eagle and the tiger. I was always trying to get a peek at that tiger.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day the whole family was away, and because I am a genius I decided to trespass on their property & see him close up. He was pacing around his large covered cage, which was bound only in the kind of typical chain link fence that I could have easily escaped with moderate effort. In fact, a couple of years later he did just that - but today was not that day.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seeing me, he stopped pacing. I crept slowly closer until I was touching the fence. At that point he started rubbing himself against the cage, walking back and forth, so I did what he obviously wanted & stuck all my fingers through the fence & petted him, scratching and rubbing as he made each pass. It was interesting to note that his fur wasn't soft, but firm with the waxy/oily feel of a dog that needs a bath.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a few minutes he stopped & looked at me again, then he walked back behind a platform built for him to climb & lay on. He peered at me from behind the barrier and like lightning jumped out & leaped straight toward me, slamming against the fence. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I suddenly realized I was made of meat.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did I run? Did I get out of there as soon as my now-shaky legs would carry me? Hell no!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I froze. Because that's what people do when they're startled.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then I backed slowly away, apologizing to the tiger for bothering him, because in that moment the tiger was absolutely the boss of me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So often I've had students confess to me that during sparring, or practicing a stressful technique, or during an actual attack they simply froze and did nothing they were "supposed to do". They are usually ashamed, and the higher the stakes were at the time, the harder they are on themselves.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The most heartbreaking instances of this are the assault victims who tell me they "let him" assault them. They believe, mistakenly, that they should have instantly turned into Jason Bourne. They believe, mistakenly, that because they responded by freezing, they are weak.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hell, I have no idea if they're weak or not, but what I do know is that freezing is not a sign of weakness. Freezing is a completely normal reaction to a new stimulus, particularly when the stimulus (attacker) is providing shock, pain, or the threat of either.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The goal in your Krav Maga classes is not to get to the point where you don't ever freeze, because the chances of that happening are slim indeed. By that, I mean it's not going to happen.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the goal becomes shortening the freeze more and more each time you experience it - and we're shaving it off by milliseconds at a time. It's the reason the drills I make up often have a chaotic quality - I want you to become accustomed to assessing chaos & figuring out the best course of action as quickly as possible.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We'll talk about practical strategies for shortening your freeze another time. For now, I just would like for you to accept that no matter how much training you have (and sometimes <b><i>because</i></b> you have training) an immediate freeze is a natural and normal response to a new threat. There is nothing wrong with you.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know I've talked about this before, but it's still bugging me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can feel a new drill percolating in me for the morning class. Start to think about how to escape a room full of people when someone is trying to prevent you from leaving.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-50474692232257389952012-03-06T13:34:00.005-06:002012-03-06T13:35:47.980-06:00Gimmie Your Purse!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-7119974855616131772012-02-16T11:35:00.001-06:002012-02-16T13:08:06.881-06:00Tiny Tigers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">A 7 year old girl fights off an attempted kidnapping.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since this event made the news last week, parents everywhere have been discussing the best way to teach their kids to defend themselves without making them terrified to go out into the world. Some parents throw their kids into the deep end by just being completely honest about how brutally violent a predator can be, letting them watch violent movies with adults, etc. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Others take the opposite view. I was fascinated by one woman who posted that she completely shielded her daughter from any concept of violence or danger or "badness" in the world, in an effort to protect her innocence. It reminded me of the young Buddha being raised within palace walls without knowledge of sickness or death.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As usual, I believe the best way lies somewhere in the middle. I'm not here to try to tell anyone how to raise their children, but if you choose to prepare your kids to deal with the world as it actually is and not how you fear it is or wish it were, the difficulty lies in how to get the message across without freaking them (or you) out.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having taught children in Karate and Krav Maga, I've discovered a few things you can do to help your kids learn. Please take whatever you think you might find helpful, and feel free to add your own ideas in the comments. Every little bit helps us raise our kids into strong, smart, confident men and women. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Make sure your kids know your full name, your cell phone number, and their home address. Kids with stepfamilies will need to know both sets, and they can accomplish this at a much younger age than one might think.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Have your kids practice dialling 911-send. Turn the phone off first, so the call doesn't go through! Then have them practice it under pressure. That pressure can be you playing chase with them saying "I'm gonna get you!". It's hard for them to concentrate when they're running & giggling & shrieking, so it's good practice. You can also have them race another child who is dialling on another phone for a small prize. That raises the stakes. The purpose of adding the pressure is the adrenaline rush makes one's small motor skills deteriorate. This is what they will experience during a real event that's serious enough to warrant calling 911. They must practice pushing 'send' after 911 if its a cell phone. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*If they spend time in a day care facility that has the typical phone system in which one has to dial 9 to get an outside line, they should practice dialling </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9 911, too. Adults should do the same.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Once they've successfully "dialed" 911, role play with them. You play the role of the operator and ask them questions like "What happened?" "Where are you?" etc.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Many people teach their children not to talk to strangers. It's a good idea to also teach them how to ask a stranger for help if they get lost or someone tries to harm them and they escape. I teach my students that its safer to approach someone for help than to go with someone who has approached you. Obviously not everyone who approaches you is a predator, but it's not uncommon for a predator to pretend to help someone they intend to assault. That's why they're called predators. Most people are willing to help if asked, and you stand a better chance of choosing an honorable person if YOU (i.e. the child) makes the choice. (See Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear for more on this subject).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*When my stepdaughter was young we had a password. If someone tried to give her a ride home from school saying something like, "Your parents got into an accident and asked me to give you a ride to the hospital", she was to ask them "What's the password?" If they didn't know it, she was instructed to run like hell. Predators think of all kinds of lies to entice children to get close enough to grab. Anyone who doesn't know the password doesn't need to get close when your child is alone. Incidentally, it is crucial that the child understands that NO ONE should be told that word except for people the family has agreed will be called upon to get the child in case of emergency. Not even friends and other family. Sadly the most common assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. My stepdaughter is 21 years old now, and I STILL haven't told anyone the password. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*On a similar note, one of my adult students has prepared her family for a home invasion. If someone comes to the door and this student says to her kids, "Oh, I just remembered I forgot to reset the timer on the microwave" her children are to calmly but quickly go to the downstairs bathroom, taking a cell phone and lock themselves in until she gives them the password to open the door. I think this is genius. By the way, that's not the phrase she actually uses, I just made that one up.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Children need to be taught when it's okay to disobey an adult. I"m referring to "NO" as a response to a stranger saying "get in my car" vs. mom or dad saying "it's time for bed". Active disobedience is very difficult for kids who are not regularly in the habit of behaving this way. Also, the rules on this are different in different families. Think about where your boundaries are regarding your child's behavior. What are your expectations of what they must endure to remain out of trouble and when can they say no? To whom can they say no? When can they physically resist? Run away? Strike back? What kind of strike is acceptable for your child to defend himself (if any)? Shoving? Slapping? Using a weapon? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How about when the aggressor is not an adult but another child? How much bullying (if any) should your child put up with before defending herself? You don't need to labor through every possible scenario with your kids, but having a clear concept in your mind of what is acceptable will help you discuss these matters when the subject arises.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Often the hardest part of having these talks with your kids is simply getting started. I have a friend who starts by asking her son, "Hey, what would you do if..." and lets him provide the first solution. This is awesome, as it gives her an understanding of where his head is at already, and essentially turns the talk into a brainstorming session with the kid. Then instead of telling just scary stories about "what could happen" you're focusing on solutions, finding holes in each others ideas and using that space to create a plan.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*My experience with kids has been that they're not traumatized by talking about this subject. Most traditional fairy tales are pretty graphically violent, so these aren't new ideas to children. If you find that your child does start to get scared or retreat, stop talking about it for the moment and find another way to approach the subject. It may help to have another person discuss it with them or to change the environment in which the discussion is held next time. Discussing or role-playing and practicing with a sense of play can also help.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Lastly, I'm going to recommend letting your kids give martial arts a try. Visit a school that is convenient to your home and affordable and just watch a class. If you like what you see talk to the instructor about the school's philosophy regarding self-defense and fighting, discipline and self-control. Many parents fear their children will become violent if they are taught martial arts, particularly if the child has behavior issues to begin with. My experience has been the opposite. Children with a healthy outlet for the natural aggression we are all born with learn control and self-discipline, in addition to learning to defend themselves. If you try it and don't feel your child is benefiting, remove them from the school.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Ok, this is really the last one. You will notice in the video the girl who was grabbed didn't do any fancy ninja moves to disable her attacker. She simply screamed and kicked with all her might. (Screaming, "He's a stranger!!" is helpful, btw.) All she did was one of the most important things you can do - she made it not worth the extra effort to kidnap her. She made a poor victim. Nice job, kid. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you'd like more information on making sure anyone who attacks you is practicing poor victim selection, read my friend <a href="http://www.fitandfearless.com/krav_cmty/index-single/barebones_self-defense_be_difficult/" target="_blank">Jennie's post</a> on the subject.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Regarding kids in martial arts, here's a little video of a 4 year old and a 9 year old being introduced to headlock from the side. I told the kids they could hit me as hard as they wanted to. Kids love to hear that. Turn the sound up. :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-33483079346324258742012-02-08T16:56:00.000-06:002012-02-08T16:56:58.131-06:00Request Backup<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let's just say you are walking to your car. You're alone, and there's no one nearby. It's dark...but did I just see someone hiding there...?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You get the picture, and it's creepy as hell. If you're in danger and there's no one around to hear you scream or call for help, wouldn't it be nice if you could just push a button and someone would know you're in trouble?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was approached after last weekend's ladies-only class by a student who showed me a new app she's created, and <i>it is that button</i>. I am very excited about this.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The app is called <a href="http://www.baytanlabs.com/guardian-trace" target="_blank">Guardian Trace</a>. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So let's go back to that dark parking lot. Having previously estimated it would take you 4 minutes to reach your car, you had set your GT app for 4 minutes and kept your phone handy. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That someone you saw...you realize an assault is about to happen...<i style="font-weight: bold;">to you</i>!! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you have time, you push the panic button on your phone, since you were clever enough to keep it handy and the app ready. An immediate email or text is sent to whoever you wish to know you are in danger. The notice tells this person (or people) that you've activated the alarm and includes a link with your current location. If they click the link your phone's GPS indicates exactly where you are right now.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If the attack was a blitz and you didn't have time to activate the alarm, it will automatically send the email or text as soon as the 4 minute timer (or however long you've programmed) is up.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The GPS aspect is particularly essential if, God forbid, they are taking you to a second location. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No, this app will not call 911 for you. You should still do that if you can, and the person contacted by the app should do so as well. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The usefulness of Guardian Trace, as I see it, is that if you don't have time to call 911, if you don't even have time to push a button, the app calls for help for you. This is crucial when an attack is sudden or when you simply can't get your hands on your phone.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For goodness sake if you start the timer and you're safe remember to deactivate it or you'll scare everyone half to death.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Full disclosure: As of the writing of this post I have nothing to do with these people, I just like the app. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Guardian Trace is free. If you just want email alerts, it stays free. If you want text alerts (which I think seems like the way to go, since who knows when people will check their email) it's $10 for six months, and more for one year. I don't remember how much more, because I bought 6 months worth of service.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you're wondering if the GPS means Guardian Trace would make a good tool for stalkers, it won't. The owner of the phone has to activate everything herself or himself, and you can't secretly put it on someone's phone. So if you're looking for a tool to help you stalk people more efficiently, keep looking.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937986079004570683.post-52510169478697268342012-01-27T16:45:00.000-06:002012-01-27T16:49:12.787-06:00"I Do It Because I Suck and I Hate Sucking"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is what my friend said to me today on the phone about her painting classes. It's one of the 2,000,000 things I love about her. She's willing to suck at something, in public, to become good.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel her pain on this one. I started putting on weight in 2010 after dealing with a family member's crisis by eating lots of ice cream. I swear it made sense at the time. Then last year I had 2 surgeries & the not-working out and eating train really picked up steam.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That was kind of a disaster, so I've started working out regularly again & started taking Krav classes again, which reminded me why I love this stuff so much in the first place. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But holy crap do I suck. And when you go to class you suck in public. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night I went to class completely prepared to suck and was not disappointed, but oh my god it was so much fun!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Matt had us out in the dark choking each other against a storage container with an uneven surface, then choking each other on a table so we couldn't use our feet. We were on our backs on a table of upturned wooden boxes, the attacker standing in our guard & leaning over us choking us. Our feet couldn't reach the ground so they couldn't be used to generate power for the defense. Then we had to run a short distance (suck). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then the fun began. We learned a couple of parkour jumps over the boxes we'd just been choked on. I have a massive mental block about jumping over things. I can climb a fence & jump over it like an 11 year old taking a regular short cut through the neighbor's yard (which I once was), but jumping over a solid object, even one much shorter than a regular fence is like facing a hungry lion after rolling around in cat food. I soooo did not want to do it. My heart was pounding in my throat and it was made worse by the fact that I knew my feelings were ridiculous. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Everybody else was flying over it like professional stuntmen, but I, um, was not.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I wanted to quit, I just didn't want to quit in front of other people. So I kept heaving myself over. I wish I could have wailed each time just like Chewbaca, it would truly have completed the picture.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then came this little exhaustion drill, punching endlessly, defending surprise chokes, running & jumping over the boxes & getting surprise attacked again. By my third round I was getting tired, too tired to be scared. So I just went up to the box & jumped over it like an 11 year old kid. HA! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The lesson, of course, is that the problem is all in my head. It's interesting how knowing that doesn't help at all. </span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKux74zMX30e8sxdXjOHpdt0Q4JVmA9T_bf2yDnmi_HH1HPKc-Kkd-bH8xvEvmSHRZpVckQapBA-pn2IqW1IdDv6pkaMo8LC8FySsAqrLJFPeHABTmM0MF7yfpTASbpiG0yc3oSEgJG8s/s1600/176+(3).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKux74zMX30e8sxdXjOHpdt0Q4JVmA9T_bf2yDnmi_HH1HPKc-Kkd-bH8xvEvmSHRZpVckQapBA-pn2IqW1IdDv6pkaMo8LC8FySsAqrLJFPeHABTmM0MF7yfpTASbpiG0yc3oSEgJG8s/s320/176+(3).jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my super-fly friend who won't suck at painting for long.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll go through the same process of sucking again over and over until I reach some sort of internal critical mass where I just begin to jump without fear or hesitation. How many times will it take? I have no idea. I also don't care. What else am I gonna do, sit around and suck at this stuff?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Parker Westbrookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03022575736443359409noreply@blogger.com6