Running and Burning

Running:  One of my coaches recommended a new training technique to me, so I thought I'd give it a go & see if I liked it.  It was horrible.  You should totally do it.


There's a 1.5 mile track near my house, so I took my dog Raleigh, The Raleigh Lama, with me and did this:  run about 200 yards fast.  The sad reality is that I'm slow as Christmas, but I was pushing it to move fast.  Stop & do 10 squats.  Run 200 more yards.  10 pushups (burpees, lunges, whatever).  Run 200 yards, etc.  Keep it up for a mile and a half.  I was dying about a mile in, audibly sucking wind.  That far in, the exercises actually started to feel like a break.  


As we rounded the track & ended back up near the start Raleigh started dragging me back toward the car, so I went along & grabbed him a bowl of water.  After he lapped it up I said, "Ok boy, let's do another!" intending to just jog the next lap, as I was clinging to some shred of sanity.  He moped back along, and I could tell he didn't really want to do it again...oh, jeez, do I really have to drive this dog home and come back for the second lap?  The thing is, Raleigh is about 12 years old, smart enough to do your taxes and he's never steered me wrong.  So yeah, I drove him home and came back to run (jog) the next lap.  I was pooped.  POOPED!  But happy.  

I trust this dog's judgement.

The last couple of years I've focused so much on learning to be a good instructor & studying the psychology of violence that I forgot to be a lean mean fighting machine.  Being at the academy has forced me to get back out there & use my body, and it feels really good.   So, yes, I do recommend trying this workout, it's difficult but I think there will be a nice payoff if I keep doing it.


Burning:  I'm not supposed to talk about specific law enforcement or corrections training that I experience or witness, but I don't think it's any big secret that those who serve, if they might carry pepper spray, have to get sprayed.  I got sprayed a few days ago.  I'm here to tell you that stuff is it's own special Hell.  


For about the first 20 seconds I thought, wow, this is really horrible, but I can handle it, I can keep my eyes open just a teensy bit.  Maybe 5 seconds later the 2nd wave hit me and quite frankly I don't know how to describe it.  My eyes slammed shut.  I have been told repeatedly that would happen, but somehow I still thought I would be able to open them.  You know, because I'm special.  

NO.  

I tried prying them open with my fingers, but my face was drenched and slippery because they had to spray me twice, since my eyes closed when they did it the first time.


Not realizing I had actually finished the task I was to complete while my face was on fire, I felt someone grab me and say, "stop, it's over, it's over!" and pull me outside, where someone else dragged me away to get hosed down with water.  That's when I panicked.


I almost drowned once in a scuba accident in the Florida Keys when I was about 12 years old, and when the water hit my face it all came rushing back.  I was determined not to cry or scream, but was fighting the urge to do both.  Because I still couldn't see and now couldn't breathe and was panicking, I was afraid I'd faint and slam my head on the ground. I dropped to my knees just in case and rocked myself furiously while I tried to wash my face and eyes and  not to have a total meltdown.  Later, helping out, it was obvious that most people panic when the water hits them.  In the moment you can't even believe how overwhelming the feeling of pain and panic is, and you know it isn't going to be over any time soon.  The next day I saw some friends who've been sprayed in the past & they poked me and said, "Ha ha!  Your face is still all puffy!"  I felt like I had a raging fever for about the next 18 hours, which was really interesting, since I knew it was just the ground up hot peppers someone had flung all over my face and eyes.

Me.

I suspect it's just as painful but not as overwhelming the second time.  I hope I never find out.  

P.R.E.A.

As a Krav Maga instructor, one of my favorite things to do is come up with drills and exercises that mess with people's heads.  


The goal might be to scare them into a freeze & get them to fight through it, create a confusing situation that forces them to take action even when no obvious correct course exists, or tell them things are going to be one way and then change the rules mid-stream so they have to deal with a situation as it actually is and not the way they thought it would be.


Whatever the situation is at any given moment, my ultimate purpose is always the same:  create a situation where they are forced to feel stress and act to end the situation in their favor.  While it's important to give serious thought to what you would/should/could do in a dangerous situation and to create a plan, I really believe that intellectualizing these things isn't enough.  As they say, everybody has a plan until they get hit in the face.  We often have to experience things ourselves, for good or ill, to totally understand.  


One of my own teachers at the Sheriff's academy appears to have the same philosophy.  A little while ago we had a class on the prevention of sexual assault in the jail - specifically on the Prison Rape Elimination Act.  I confess I never really gave this much thought before, and even had a somewhat callous and indifferent attitude about it.  As Miss Charlotte says, "Nobody wants to talk about rape except to make jokes about prison rape, like that's some great thing."


So anyway - we were sitting in class & the instructor came in and asked us to give him some elements we thought a good leader should have.  We said things like decisiveness, good organization skills, compassion, good communication skills, honor, trustworthiness and intelligence.  Then he asked us to say the name of someone in class who embodied those qualities.  Nobody raised their hand - we're a pretty cohesive group and no one wanted to single out a member, but I can never keep my mouth shut for long, so I raised my hand and mentioned that Mr. G seemed to embody all those things.


Mr. G was removed from the class & several minutes later led back in - but the officer's uniform he'd been wearing had been replaced by an inmate uniform and he was handcuffed like a prisoner.  I was scandalized to see him like that.


Standing next to him in front of the class the instructor asked us to imagine our Mr. G, with all his admirable qualities intact, as an inmate in our jail.  He asked us to imagine him being sexually assaulted and even raped.  It was very upsetting to think about and I wanted them to take those damn cuffs off my friend and put him back in his officer's uniform where he belongs.


But the point was well taken.  All the instructors have been stressing honor and ethics in the job, and the fact that we are the keepers of the inmates, not their judges.  But holy cow, it wasn't until somebody started screwing with my head like I do with my students that I truly felt it.  Then we had to watch a documentary about a young man incarcerated in another Texas jail who killed himself after the staff ignored his pleas for protection after being repeatedly raped by other inmates.  Sometimes the stuff we study is pretty depressing.


I'm not trying to imply that my instructors are encouraging us to baby, pamper, or feel sorry for inmates.  They're not - not even a little bit.  But they are teaching us to remember that each human being is more than the current clothes they are wearing, and to make sure the jail is safe and secure for the officers, the surrounding community, and the inmates.


I came away from the lesson with the determination that the inmates under my supervision are going to follow the rules and behave - and that no one is going to screw with them.  No pun intended.


It's pretty much exactly the way I've run things in classrooms in martial arts and the school district, just with more education thrown in and the stakes raised.


I have to admit I'm grateful for the lesson even though it involved a little slap in the face and am a little embarrassed by my previous attitude.  So, instructor, I'd say that was a job well done.

Guest Blogger Rory Miller!

Anyone who has spent much time training with me has heard me yapping on about the book Meditations on Violence and how you should be reading it.  


The author, Rory Miller, came to Fit and Fearless a few years ago to give a seminar and I, happily, was his contact person.  We've stayed in touch since then and he's always been a huge influence on my training, as well as being an all-around pleasure to talk to.  I'm feeling all mushy now, so I'll shut up & let you get to the good stuff:


Meat

Parker wrote something a while ago, and it inspired me (which Parker often does...)
You can read it here:
http://txkrav.blogspot.ca/2012/03/dont-make-move-nah.html

We are all made of meat.  We forget that.  We live in a world where things don't seem to eat people.  Not being eaten feels normal.  And so we forget that we are made of meat.  And most of the time it is a safe thing to forget.  Maybe even justifiable. But when it becomes important, when the tiger leaps or the knife flashes up, damn.  Because we are made of meat.

We forget that, historically, the meat world is normal.  The safe world, where things don't wait in the dark to eat us, is new. So new it shines.
And we are programmed, designed, evolved to live in the meat world.  Our deepest programming-- fight, flight, freeze; eat when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired-- are all about being meat.  We are wired to deal with a world far more dangerous and violent than this one.  And that's a good thing, because when the safe world slips or shatters and what matters is blood and fear, we're kind of set up for that.  It is natural and if you let yourself be an animal, you have a good chance.  Your ancestors, after all, survived far worse.  You are the product of thousands (or more) generations of success.

But... as much as we are wired to survive in the world where things eat and are eaten, human survival strategy is to get along, to live and work in groups that can protect us by having a mass of people and a range of resources.  Part of getting along is to expect a nice world in order to create and maintain the nice world.  When things go bad, our wiring to survive (and sometimes even our training) comes in direct conflict with our conditioning-- the years and years of being taught to get along.

We interact nicely with the nice world, which allows it to be the nice world.  But the world will never be completely nice or completely safe, because to be the only nasty person in a world of nice people is a superpower.  The person who can operate at the level of meat has an almost insurmountable advantage over the person who can only operate at the level of feelings.

Embrace the nice world.  But do it as a choice.  It is not the only world or the only way to look at the world.  Get to know yourself as an animal.  Learn the world of prey and predator, where things are made of meat.  It _is_ natural.  And if you must go there, go with your whole heart and trust your DNA.

Rory
Montreal Apr 2012

An Update: I'm Tired

No lie.  Today about halfway during PT one of the instructors asked, as we cadets attempted to breathe and remain standing at the same time, "does anyone have any injuries?"


I seriously considered begging him to punch me in the throat so I could say yes and it would be over.  For once my brain overrode my mouth and I just said, "NO, SIR!" so the whole class wouldn't have to pay for my smart-ass-ness.


I have to admit, I had no idea how much education goes into a corrections job.  We study or attend interactive lectures every day for hours on every facet of the jail system, case law, the Constitution  It's quite fascinating, really, but I'm glad it's almost Friday because my head is so crammed full of new stuff that each new fact is having to work harder to squirm it's way into my brain.  


Every day they harp on honesty, integrity and professionalism and that makes me really proud to be hanging out with these people.


That's pretty much it...my whole life right now consists of studying, doing insane exercises invented by brutal Soviet scientists during the Cold War, studying, shining my boots, and studying.  


And now I must sign off, because I kid you not, it's time to study.  And then I have to shine my freaking boots.  


6 more weeks.

On Abject Terror

I usually edit these posts to within an inch of their lives, but I'm so pressed for time I'm just jamming this out, so good luck to me...


I've joined the cadet class of corrections officers at a Texas sheriff's office.  It's been a wild ride so far & I'm completely overwhelmed.  


But what I want to tell you about is an experience I had at the end of class today.  We do some sort of PT (physical training) every day.  This might be running, calisthenics, etc.  Today we did the big obstacle course.  Not the one I qualified on.  The big one.  


The big one that seems to confront every physical weakness and phobia I have.  And I don't have many, so it was particularly diabolical.  First we had to weave ourselves over and under a bunch of large horizontal pipes that were high enough off the ground for me to need to step on something to get on it.  Exhausting and very scary.  So scary that I was shaking by the end of it, because the damn pipes just kept getting higher.  My teammates helped by literally pushing me sometimes.  


We did other scary stuff that all required excellent grip strength and upper body strength.  I don't have that stuff.  So then I was REALLY shaking.  Next we had to jump over some walls.  Now I'm not good at that, but my friend Matt taught me how to do it, so I thought I'd be fine.  NO.  With so much adrenaline coursing through me I tripped at the top & slammed face first into the ground.  Shaking harder now...the little intermediate wall, I don't know what the hell it's doing there, it's only 2 feet tall (seriously) but my body was shutting down so - you guessed it - I tripped & fell on my face again.  I wish you could have seen the look of disbelief on my instructor's face.  Strangely, the 3rd wall was not problem.  


Then we crossed other hideous obstacles.  If they were high off the ground I shook uncontrollably & did it slowly or with assistance or both.  If they were not high off the ground I was totally fine.


Then I faced my arch-enemy.  The rope wall.  Just climb this little 20-ish foot wall, clamber over the log at the top & clamber down.  I have never ascended 3 feet up a rope wall, and it's not for lack of trying (net wall?  I don't know, it's a net made of rope).


The instructor said we didn't have to do it if we didn't want to (we were already well past time to go home & I think he thought I might be having a stroke), but that just made me more determined.  Because I am stupid.  So I climbed up, got to the top and froze.  I mean I froze in terror.  Not like "no one is going to ask me to the prom" terror, but "if I fuck this up I'm going die or spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair" terror.  My instructor was up there, too, trying to talk me while I just clutched the log like a baby monkey murmuring "ohGod-ohGod-ohGod".  


So he asked me, "do you feel confident?"  My hands were occupied so I couldn't choke him. 


"No, I do not feel confident!"  He told me to go back down the way I came.  This did not compute.  No way.  


The other instructor grinned at me from the ground & said, "hey there, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.


I thought of something my friend told me once.  I won't say here who it is, because it was a private conversation & he said not everyone appreciates hearing it.    He told me this:  nothing matters.  Sounds sad, right?  He said in 100 years we'll all be dead & nothing but a distant memory to a very few people.  In 300 years no one will ever know we, as individuals, existed.  So do what is meaningful to you right now and don't worry about what people think, don't worry about failing.  Because it doesn't matter.   I find this incredibly liberating.


So when the instructor said that, I heard my friend saying, "It doesn't matter." And I unfroze & let the instructor up there with me talk me through the rest of the exercise.  He is a very patient man.  


So, I faced my terror.  While we stood at attention for the lowering of the flags I was still shaking so hard my teeth were chattering.  I have a massive swollen green shin from where I fell at the beginning of the course.  I don't don't care, because I faced my terror. 


It may not matter, but it matters to me.


Btw, all the other cadets were incredibly supportive & cheered me on.  I overheard one guy say to another as I finished my descent, "I think I hear Eye of the Tiger playing in the background".  :)  I like these people.

Don't Make a Move! Nah.

I was about 17 years old.  My grandfather had moved out to the country, so far out that boondocks would be the polite term.  People in these areas often keep lots of animals, and most of the folks near him had a bajillion dogs, cats, chickens, fighting cocks, goats, etc. 


But one family had a taste for exotics.  They periodically had various creatures, but the permanent residents I remember were the golden eagle and the tiger.  I was always trying to get a peek at that tiger.

One day the whole family was away, and because I am a genius I decided to trespass on their property & see him close up.  He was pacing around his large covered cage, which was bound only in the kind of typical chain link fence that I could have easily escaped with moderate effort.  In fact, a couple of years later he did just that - but today was not that day.


Seeing me, he stopped pacing.  I crept slowly closer until I was touching the fence.  At that point he started rubbing himself against the cage, walking back and forth, so I did what he obviously wanted & stuck all my fingers through the fence & petted him, scratching and rubbing as he made each pass.  It was interesting to note that his fur wasn't soft, but firm with the waxy/oily feel of a dog that needs a bath.


After a few minutes he stopped & looked at me again, then he walked back behind a platform built for him to climb & lay on.  He peered at me from behind the barrier and like lightning jumped out & leaped straight toward me, slamming against the fence.  


I suddenly realized I was made of meat.


Did I run?  Did I get out of there as soon as my now-shaky legs would carry me?  Hell no!


I froze.  Because that's what people do when they're startled. 


Then I backed slowly away, apologizing to the tiger for bothering him, because in that moment the tiger was absolutely the boss of me.  


So often I've had students confess to me that during sparring, or practicing a stressful technique, or during an actual attack they simply froze and did nothing they were "supposed to do".  They are usually ashamed, and the higher the stakes were at the time, the harder they are on themselves.


The most heartbreaking instances of this are the assault victims who tell me they "let him" assault them.  They believe, mistakenly, that they should have instantly turned into Jason Bourne.  They believe, mistakenly, that because they responded by freezing, they are weak.


Hell, I have no idea if they're weak or not, but what I do know is that freezing is not a sign of weakness.  Freezing is a completely normal reaction to a new stimulus, particularly when the stimulus (attacker) is providing shock, pain, or the threat of either.


The goal in your Krav Maga classes is not to get to the point where you don't ever freeze, because the chances of that happening are slim indeed.  By that, I mean it's not going to happen.


So the goal becomes shortening the freeze more and more each time you experience it - and we're shaving it off by milliseconds at a time.  It's the reason the drills I make up often have a chaotic quality - I want you to become accustomed to assessing chaos & figuring out the best course of action as quickly as possible.


We'll talk about practical strategies for shortening your freeze another time.  For now, I just would like for you to accept that no matter how much training you have (and sometimes because you have training) an immediate freeze is a natural and normal response to a new threat.  There is nothing wrong with you.  


I know I've talked about this before, but it's still bugging me.


I can feel a new drill percolating in me for the morning class.  Start to think about how to escape a room full of people when someone is trying to prevent you from leaving.

Gimmie Your Purse!