There's lots of info on the fight or flight impulse we experience when faced with sudden danger, and there seems to be more talk nowadays about the freeze as well. If you aren't familiar with it, we often freeze first before fighting or running away - and sometimes the freeze itself can be our instinctive first-line defense, and we stay there.
People don't want to admit to themselves that they freeze, because they think it makes them look like scaredy-cats. Actually there seems to be a lot of shame attached to both the freeze and the flight impulse, as if they are strictly acts of cowardice. I suppose sometimes they are, but sometimes they are also the best way to stay alive. What are you supposed to do if a bee lands on you? Freeze! A lot of the animal kingdom survives by doing just that.
But the saddest thing I've ever heard was when a rape victim told me she couldn't forgive herself because she "let him do it". No, she froze, and survived. I also had a student run away during a scenario drill where you're walking in a sketchy area with your friend and are afraid you might be attacked. They were attacked (of course) and one girl panicked and ran while the other fought. The one who ran cried because she thought she was a coward. I told her she was a survivor, but she didn't buy it. In our society the only impulse response we value is "fight".
I think what matters is that we're having the right response at the right time.
I will admit that I've done all three. I move in toward danger & fight at work if I have to because sometimes my job requires it, and since it is a natural as well as a trained response for me it has gone well.
I've also run away like my butt was on fire once when I thought I was about to be attacked by a homeless person while walking my dog in the woods. (No, I did not leave my dog behind, duh!)
And recently I froze - and got stuck there. I was able to observe it while it was happening because of my training, which was so cool. But I was still stuck!
I was in a parking garage when I heard two shots fired. Holy shit! I was just about to open the door to my car when I heard it & it was like in the movies when everyone but the star freezes in place. I wasn't the star, so I froze in place. So here's what went through my head, and quickly, "two shots fired…where is it coming from? (only my eyes moved to look around)…it could be an accidental discharge, I am at a law enforcement conference after all, everyone's armed…(listening for screams, the sound of running feet or a car speeding away…nothing)…oh, I should be throwing myself on the ground if someone's shooting, I need to hide & see if I can see a shooter…I should call 911...I'm not moving, shit, I must be frozen…well, I'm not dead yet, I think I'll just stay here…get down, stupid…this is my first real freeze, the next time I probably won't react this way…"
Turns out it wasn't shots fired, just two big fast loud bangs that had no danger attached. And I probably won't freeze like that the next time two sudden bangs happen out of nowhere, because the first is the worst. But pretending like I didn't do it this time won't help!
So please know that any and all of them can happen to you and try not to judge yourself too harshly when they do. But if you find you have the wrong impulse at the wrong time, work on that. Train. You can educate your body in how to react under stress.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Two Smart Guys
I listen to podcasts when I get ready for work in the morning. I'm not a morning person, & listening to intelligent conversations and stories helps my brain wake up. One of my favorites is "Martial Secrets", with Lawrence Kane and Kris Wilder.
These guys have a great depth of knowledge and a friendly, laid-back, no bullshit attitude that is very appealing, and they interview excellent guests.
There's one episode in particular I want to steer you toward, and here's why…
If you've ever tried to help your family or friends take more responsibility for their own safety, to be more careful out in the world, but they give you every martial artist & cop's favorite response "You're just paranoid", you have probably just experienced something called proximity bias. This is when someone close to you won't listen to your advice because they're close to you. You may be an expert to the rest of the world, but to this person you're just their friend-son-cousin-whatever, so how could you possibly know? It's incredibly frustrating. If you've experienced this, I have a gift for you:
If you click on the "Martial Secrets" link it will take you to a podcast episode where the hosts discuss a recent attempted kidnapping of a teenager near her school. They talk about what a predator is, and advise listeners - particularly teens, the attacker's apparent target - how to stay safe. The episode is filled with practical non-nonsense advice, and at just under 20 minutes it's perfect for a listen in the car on the way to run errands.
It's a fantastic introduction to the concepts of predatory violence, recognizing the predatory mindset and how to protect yourself.
The specific crime they're discussing happened in Seattle, but the situation occurs anywhere and everywhere, including where you live.
Listen to it, pass it along…stay safe out there.
These guys have a great depth of knowledge and a friendly, laid-back, no bullshit attitude that is very appealing, and they interview excellent guests.
There's one episode in particular I want to steer you toward, and here's why…
If you've ever tried to help your family or friends take more responsibility for their own safety, to be more careful out in the world, but they give you every martial artist & cop's favorite response "You're just paranoid", you have probably just experienced something called proximity bias. This is when someone close to you won't listen to your advice because they're close to you. You may be an expert to the rest of the world, but to this person you're just their friend-son-cousin-whatever, so how could you possibly know? It's incredibly frustrating. If you've experienced this, I have a gift for you:
If you click on the "Martial Secrets" link it will take you to a podcast episode where the hosts discuss a recent attempted kidnapping of a teenager near her school. They talk about what a predator is, and advise listeners - particularly teens, the attacker's apparent target - how to stay safe. The episode is filled with practical non-nonsense advice, and at just under 20 minutes it's perfect for a listen in the car on the way to run errands.
It's a fantastic introduction to the concepts of predatory violence, recognizing the predatory mindset and how to protect yourself.
The specific crime they're discussing happened in Seattle, but the situation occurs anywhere and everywhere, including where you live.
Listen to it, pass it along…stay safe out there.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
One For The Boys
I'm super excited about an upcoming series of classes at Fit and Fearless. Jason Fryer will be teaching a men-only series in January. This is something we've talked about for years but haven't done before, and I think it's a great idea. However, I've had some students tell me they don't think it's fair to exclude female students from the class…after all, women have had to fight for decades for the right to be fully included in sports - particularly combat sports - and some feel like a men-only class is a step in the wrong direction. So I thought I'd put in my 2 cents on why I disagree:
1 - Fair is fair. We've had female-only classes, taught by me, for years. I've always kicked men out of the room entirely - they can come in if I invite them to play a particular role in the class, but then they're out. Period. I do this because having another gender in the room changes the dynamic. We talk about things differently and train differently than in the co-ed classes, and I want the students to have the freedom to do that, so even male instructors are generally barred. To say, "we can do it but you can't" is unfair. Equality means equality for all. The argument has been put to me that it is different because women are still fighting to be treated as equals - and then the question always comes, "What if a bunch of white people wanted to have their own group and wouldn't let any black people come in? Would that be alright, too?"
Well, it's not the same. Race based groups who exclude others are generally saying, "We're awesome and everybody who is not us sucks". That is not what's happening here. This is not the beginning of the FnF He-Man Woman Hater's Club, any more than we disparage men in the women-only classes.
Even if there were no other reason than equal treatment for all students, I'd still support having the class. However, the bigger reason is…
2 - Just as women have self-defense issues that are much more frequently faced by us (sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking) there are also issues that are much more frequently faced by men.
The Monkey Dance and how to avoid it, questions of honor being challenged (and of courage and cowardice), different methods of de-escalation, protecting one's wife and child (if his wife trains in self-defense hurray, but most of our male students do not have that luxury). The issues listed for both genders can obviously be faced by anyone, but the reality is that different genders are more likely to deal a few problems more than others. As Drew put it to me recently, "You teach a lot about defending, then running away and calling the police. But I spend most of my time with my wife and child, and if we're attacked I can't run. I have to stay and fight to give them the opportunity to run." Just as the female students are given the opportunity to focus their training once a week on just their issues, the males should be able to step outside the regular curriculum and really hone in on what they specifically face.
3 - If a woman has a question she won't normally bring up in a co-ed group, she'll generally ask it in the women's class. The environment is intentionally created to encourage openness, and we sometimes toss the lesson plan aside and train techniques that will address certain questions or concerns brought up by a student. And I'm hearing from the guys that they'll be able to be more open about certain types of questions or concerns in a single gender class as well. Yes, it would be lovely if we all felt comfortable addressing every issue in front of everyone. But I'm going to give my students the support they need in the way they need it in the moment, if at all possible. Our job as instructors is to create an environment that meets each student's needs as an individual so that she or he can grow to become their own best self. Because if you're attacked, you're probably going to be on your own. We want to leave no stone unturned to make sure you have all the tools you need to survive.
4 - Lastly, having Jason teach this class is going to make it awesome. He's put a great deal of thought and effort into creating a lesson arc that will let each man get the most out of this specific type of training. Jason is cerebral guy, very calm but resolute. His approachable, laid-back style creates a class where you can feel comfortable asking anything and can take the time to hone your technique, but when it's time to bring overwhelming ferocity he drops bombs and can help you do the same.
The class begins January 7, 2014 and runs for 4 weeks. It's only $39, which is crazy but true.
1 - Fair is fair. We've had female-only classes, taught by me, for years. I've always kicked men out of the room entirely - they can come in if I invite them to play a particular role in the class, but then they're out. Period. I do this because having another gender in the room changes the dynamic. We talk about things differently and train differently than in the co-ed classes, and I want the students to have the freedom to do that, so even male instructors are generally barred. To say, "we can do it but you can't" is unfair. Equality means equality for all. The argument has been put to me that it is different because women are still fighting to be treated as equals - and then the question always comes, "What if a bunch of white people wanted to have their own group and wouldn't let any black people come in? Would that be alright, too?"
Well, it's not the same. Race based groups who exclude others are generally saying, "We're awesome and everybody who is not us sucks". That is not what's happening here. This is not the beginning of the FnF He-Man Woman Hater's Club, any more than we disparage men in the women-only classes.
Even if there were no other reason than equal treatment for all students, I'd still support having the class. However, the bigger reason is…
2 - Just as women have self-defense issues that are much more frequently faced by us (sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking) there are also issues that are much more frequently faced by men.
The Monkey Dance and how to avoid it, questions of honor being challenged (and of courage and cowardice), different methods of de-escalation, protecting one's wife and child (if his wife trains in self-defense hurray, but most of our male students do not have that luxury). The issues listed for both genders can obviously be faced by anyone, but the reality is that different genders are more likely to deal a few problems more than others. As Drew put it to me recently, "You teach a lot about defending, then running away and calling the police. But I spend most of my time with my wife and child, and if we're attacked I can't run. I have to stay and fight to give them the opportunity to run." Just as the female students are given the opportunity to focus their training once a week on just their issues, the males should be able to step outside the regular curriculum and really hone in on what they specifically face.
3 - If a woman has a question she won't normally bring up in a co-ed group, she'll generally ask it in the women's class. The environment is intentionally created to encourage openness, and we sometimes toss the lesson plan aside and train techniques that will address certain questions or concerns brought up by a student. And I'm hearing from the guys that they'll be able to be more open about certain types of questions or concerns in a single gender class as well. Yes, it would be lovely if we all felt comfortable addressing every issue in front of everyone. But I'm going to give my students the support they need in the way they need it in the moment, if at all possible. Our job as instructors is to create an environment that meets each student's needs as an individual so that she or he can grow to become their own best self. Because if you're attacked, you're probably going to be on your own. We want to leave no stone unturned to make sure you have all the tools you need to survive.
4 - Lastly, having Jason teach this class is going to make it awesome. He's put a great deal of thought and effort into creating a lesson arc that will let each man get the most out of this specific type of training. Jason is cerebral guy, very calm but resolute. His approachable, laid-back style creates a class where you can feel comfortable asking anything and can take the time to hone your technique, but when it's time to bring overwhelming ferocity he drops bombs and can help you do the same.
The class begins January 7, 2014 and runs for 4 weeks. It's only $39, which is crazy but true.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
In the women-only class we were practicing defending against being dragged off by our feet. As a prelim I had them lay prone on the floor arranged with each defender a few feet ahead of their intended attacker. On "GO" they jumped up and ran, the defender trying to reach the safe zone before the attacker could catch them and drag them back to the starting line.
Some defenders were half-assing it because the knew their attacker wouldn't hurt them if they caught them. So I told the attackers to drag them back by their hair. Women generally hate being dragged around by their hair, so all of a sudden they were jumping up and running FAST.
But I really gave them no true head start & sometimes the attackers were just faster & would catch them & drag them back. So the question came,
"When should I run and when should I fight?"
I asked the class what they thought and as usual someone nailed it:
"You run when you can and you fight when you must." True!
One thing I notice in running these types of drills is that the fleeing trainee generally waits until the attacker has a hand already grabbing them or is starting to bearhug them. I personally think that's too late, because his momentum is going forward and he's already got the jump on you. To turn and fight at that moment puts you at a disadvantage because you're changing the direction of your own momentum and responding to his attack defensively instead of taking charge of the whole event. It's very difficult because you're making a decision in the blink of an eye within a frenzy of movement and being pursued by a predator tends to make people a bit panicky. So, I think we're going to keep practicing making that decision in the moment.
We did it again later out in the parking lot. The chasee got a 1 second head start running toward the building to get into the front door - which I had rigged to not open on the first try, so unless they could force it open they'd have to make their stand and fight. It was creepy! And again, the attacker was always right on top of them before they made the decision to fight.
So here's the rule we'll play by: Run when you can, fight if you must - but fight before they're physically on you and do it with everything you have and then RUN again once it's safe to escape. Get to safety.
Some defenders were half-assing it because the knew their attacker wouldn't hurt them if they caught them. So I told the attackers to drag them back by their hair. Women generally hate being dragged around by their hair, so all of a sudden they were jumping up and running FAST.
But I really gave them no true head start & sometimes the attackers were just faster & would catch them & drag them back. So the question came,
"When should I run and when should I fight?"
I asked the class what they thought and as usual someone nailed it:
"You run when you can and you fight when you must." True!
One thing I notice in running these types of drills is that the fleeing trainee generally waits until the attacker has a hand already grabbing them or is starting to bearhug them. I personally think that's too late, because his momentum is going forward and he's already got the jump on you. To turn and fight at that moment puts you at a disadvantage because you're changing the direction of your own momentum and responding to his attack defensively instead of taking charge of the whole event. It's very difficult because you're making a decision in the blink of an eye within a frenzy of movement and being pursued by a predator tends to make people a bit panicky. So, I think we're going to keep practicing making that decision in the moment.
We did it again later out in the parking lot. The chasee got a 1 second head start running toward the building to get into the front door - which I had rigged to not open on the first try, so unless they could force it open they'd have to make their stand and fight. It was creepy! And again, the attacker was always right on top of them before they made the decision to fight.
So here's the rule we'll play by: Run when you can, fight if you must - but fight before they're physically on you and do it with everything you have and then RUN again once it's safe to escape. Get to safety.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Are You A Wet Cat?
No one is going to help you.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but it's true.
This happened in my town this week, and possibly in your town, too. I've talked about it before. No one is going to help you, so you've got to fight like you're all you've got. Because you probably are.
It's fascinating really, the way the brain works to freeze us up and prevent us from helping someone who is obviously desperate. I first learned about it in the book Opening Skinner's Box, many chapters of which I still think about years later.
On the other side of the coin, at work today I responded to an assistance call over the radio. I ran into the hall as fast as I could, with every other available officer running in from every direction, and we physically stopped what was happening. So what's different? We are normal people like everybody else. Why do we show up when the person on the street won't? Here's what I came up with:
*We spend many hours every day in an environment where the assumption is that violence will break out at any moment. It may be directed at someone else or at us, but it's going to happen, it's just a question of when. Now happily, it usually doesn't, and things generally click along smoothly. But it could turn on a dime. I think people may assume I'm talking about murder when I say "violence", but it could be as simple as two guys suddenly in a shouting match or someone throwing a sucker punch. Or maybe worse. Whatever the situation, my job is to stop it immediately. This, I believe, is the most important thing: We're mentally in a place that we understand it can happen, and it can happen now.
*We're trained to respond to different types of aggression or violence, and taught to use different methods to solve different "problems". An hour after the incident I was in a small group talking to a person who could be quite dangerous if he wanted. Instead of a show of aggression, we used banter to keep things going in the direction we wanted, and a dangerous situation was simply avoided. Different problem, different solution.
*Every other person dressed like us is going to run to put out the "fire". Do you want to be the only person standing there not helping? I don't.
*If someone does not respond, or seems to respond weakly in an emergency, that person loses respect. There is an expectation that you will be brave and you will give a competent response. The expectations of one's group have a very powerful influence on one's behavior.
If you read the four points above you will see they are the opposite of normal society.
*In normal life (at least in my normal life) there is no expectation that violence could suddenly explode into being. That's why people are so shocked when it does.
*Most people have little to no training, and if they do have training it is usually in a sports-type setting. This can certainly help, but it's not the same.
*Every other person, if there are more one, will probably stand there and stare at the situation. This makes it less likely that you will respond.
*If you're not a first responder, there is no realistic expectation that you will know what to do. I think people really do hope they'll know what to do. But once, "hey, what are you doing?" doesn't work, that's about all they've got. Because once you're in the situation you suddenly learn it's not like it is in the movies. And why would someone know how to respond to unexpected violence? If you refer to the above points, there's really nothing in normal life that would prepare us - indeed, the whole thing is set up to insulate us from sudden violence. Which I appreciate, because I like to be able to go to the mall without getting mugged. But if you want to learn to be prepared, you're going to have to go out of your way to get that education.
Oh, and another thing. People under stress follow orders. Big time. Think about what the attacker and the victim each said to the witness. The victim said, "he's going to kill me". The attacker gave the witness a direct order & told him to go away. He went away.
If you need help, say clearly and loudly, "Call 911!" "Please help me!" "Get me away from him!" Notice I'm not saying 'get him away from me', which would require the witness to grab the bad guy. Not many people want to grab the bad guy. You can even say, "I don't know him!" as many people are reluctant to get involved in a 'lover's quarrell' but are willing to help a victim of a stranger. It may not work, they may just stand there anyway, but it's worth a shot.
But no matter what any witness does or does not do, you must fight like no one will help you. Have you ever tried to give a cat a bath? That's how you have to fight. Like a wet cat. Stay safe out there, y'all.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but it's true.
This happened in my town this week, and possibly in your town, too. I've talked about it before. No one is going to help you, so you've got to fight like you're all you've got. Because you probably are.
It's fascinating really, the way the brain works to freeze us up and prevent us from helping someone who is obviously desperate. I first learned about it in the book Opening Skinner's Box, many chapters of which I still think about years later.
On the other side of the coin, at work today I responded to an assistance call over the radio. I ran into the hall as fast as I could, with every other available officer running in from every direction, and we physically stopped what was happening. So what's different? We are normal people like everybody else. Why do we show up when the person on the street won't? Here's what I came up with:
*We spend many hours every day in an environment where the assumption is that violence will break out at any moment. It may be directed at someone else or at us, but it's going to happen, it's just a question of when. Now happily, it usually doesn't, and things generally click along smoothly. But it could turn on a dime. I think people may assume I'm talking about murder when I say "violence", but it could be as simple as two guys suddenly in a shouting match or someone throwing a sucker punch. Or maybe worse. Whatever the situation, my job is to stop it immediately. This, I believe, is the most important thing: We're mentally in a place that we understand it can happen, and it can happen now.
*We're trained to respond to different types of aggression or violence, and taught to use different methods to solve different "problems". An hour after the incident I was in a small group talking to a person who could be quite dangerous if he wanted. Instead of a show of aggression, we used banter to keep things going in the direction we wanted, and a dangerous situation was simply avoided. Different problem, different solution.
*Every other person dressed like us is going to run to put out the "fire". Do you want to be the only person standing there not helping? I don't.
*If someone does not respond, or seems to respond weakly in an emergency, that person loses respect. There is an expectation that you will be brave and you will give a competent response. The expectations of one's group have a very powerful influence on one's behavior.
If you read the four points above you will see they are the opposite of normal society.
*In normal life (at least in my normal life) there is no expectation that violence could suddenly explode into being. That's why people are so shocked when it does.
*Most people have little to no training, and if they do have training it is usually in a sports-type setting. This can certainly help, but it's not the same.
*Every other person, if there are more one, will probably stand there and stare at the situation. This makes it less likely that you will respond.
*If you're not a first responder, there is no realistic expectation that you will know what to do. I think people really do hope they'll know what to do. But once, "hey, what are you doing?" doesn't work, that's about all they've got. Because once you're in the situation you suddenly learn it's not like it is in the movies. And why would someone know how to respond to unexpected violence? If you refer to the above points, there's really nothing in normal life that would prepare us - indeed, the whole thing is set up to insulate us from sudden violence. Which I appreciate, because I like to be able to go to the mall without getting mugged. But if you want to learn to be prepared, you're going to have to go out of your way to get that education.
Oh, and another thing. People under stress follow orders. Big time. Think about what the attacker and the victim each said to the witness. The victim said, "he's going to kill me". The attacker gave the witness a direct order & told him to go away. He went away.
If you need help, say clearly and loudly, "Call 911!" "Please help me!" "Get me away from him!" Notice I'm not saying 'get him away from me', which would require the witness to grab the bad guy. Not many people want to grab the bad guy. You can even say, "I don't know him!" as many people are reluctant to get involved in a 'lover's quarrell' but are willing to help a victim of a stranger. It may not work, they may just stand there anyway, but it's worth a shot.
But no matter what any witness does or does not do, you must fight like no one will help you. Have you ever tried to give a cat a bath? That's how you have to fight. Like a wet cat. Stay safe out there, y'all.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Do What You Can For Now
A friend & former student wrote to me and my friend Jennie, another Krav Maga instructor, asking about a scary situation she'd encountered. She also wanted to know what, if anything, she can do to help herself stay sharp since she can't really train outside of the occasional seminar. Here's what I think: if you don't have time to train regularly, you can still help yourself learn to keep yourself and your loved ones safe. Is it better to train? Of course! But life sometimes has other plans for us, so until then you can tread water by:
*One of the most important things you can do to stay safe is to be aware of your surroundings. Don't walk around endlessly texting and gabbing on your phone for extended periods. Know who's around you and who is moving your way. Be aware of the body language of those you're moving toward. Do you have a creepy feeling in your stomach? Get out of there. This doesn't make you paranoid. I watched some movie about criminals with Robert DeNiro (I think - this was years ago) and one of the things his character says is, "The only people paying attention are the criminals and the cops". It's so true.
A way to make this interesting is to mentally play the part of a predator. STOP RIGHT NOW...think about this...if you were someone else and you were going to attack the real you right now, how would you do it? Okay, what's another way besides that? Play that game when you're out somewhere...now switch it up, how would you attack that guy over there - and get away with it? Who's vulnerable and why? You don't necessarily have to kill them, just take their stuff and split. It's shocking how vulnerable we are simply because we're not paying attention.
*This is sort of part 2 of what's above - stay away from the 3 Stupids: Stupid people, stupid places, stupid activities. You don't need to stay sitting on your couch wearing a helmet murmuring, "no one can get me here", just understand that some places are more ripe for an unpleasant encounter than others. You know that friend you have, the one who always seems to set people off? Maybe do a cost-benefit analysis of hanging out with that person on weeknights. Then if you choose to do it, at least you're going in with your eyes open.
*Stay fit. You don't have time to train? Fine. Go to the gym, take a class, lift weights. No time or money for that? Run in your neighborhood, do some pushups in your living room. We have t-shirts at our studio that say "Strong people are harder to kill and more useful in general". I like this. Reaching the goals that inherently come with fitness training breeds confidence. I like this too.
*Learn to tell people no without making excuses. I was going to say without feeling guilty, but I don't really care how you feel about it. However, making excuses can be used against you because it seems like you're not comfortable just drawing the line, and it's human nature to want to retreat into what's comfortable. Learn to draw the line in small matters, the big ones will come more easily. Make no mistake, it is often easier to strike back physically than it is to stand your ground socially. Practice.
*And the opposite: Learn to apologize when you didn't do anything wrong. "Oh, I'm sorry if it seemed I was staring you, I was just lost in space for a minute there. Sorry." And leave alive. Rory Miller writes about the whens-and-wheres of these tactics quite a bit.
*Take advantage of the folks who think about this stuff a lot. You can get a lot for a little by reading blogs like this one. I've already linked to Jennie Trower's site, here's a few more:
http://chirontraining.blogspot.com
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com
http://www.jarrettarthur.com/blog/
http://rosstraining.com/blog/
Those are the ones I follow, just for kicks I googled "self defense blog" and of course 93,700,000 came up. There's bound to be one that strikes a chord with you. Ok, rosstraining is mostly a workout blog, but the guy is a former boxer, and it's one of my favorite sites in the world. And naturally, you can silly nonsense by keyboard warriors online as well. Reader beware, and trust your gut.
*If you have kids, educate yourself about crimes against children (by adults and by other kids) then talk about this stuff with them. It can be difficult, but you'll find some ideas here on how to go about it. Thinking about how you can help your kids stay alive will make you creative quickly.
*If the worst happens, and you're prey, and they've laid hands on you, FIGHT. However you can, as dirty and hard as you can, for as long as it takes to end the threat. Don't give them half and see if it's good enough. Go nuclear until the threat is over. Then RUN. When you're safe THEN immediately call the cops. And your lawyer, because it's probably going to get legal. You don't necessarily need any fancy techniques. This is the reason in level 1 Krav we keep trying to scare the crap out of you, then yell, GOOOOO! (That's "go", not "goo".)
Doing these things will make you more prepared than you'd be if you didn't do them. And ultimately, that's the best we can do, even when we are training. The question is how far you're willing and able to pursue that end.
*One of the most important things you can do to stay safe is to be aware of your surroundings. Don't walk around endlessly texting and gabbing on your phone for extended periods. Know who's around you and who is moving your way. Be aware of the body language of those you're moving toward. Do you have a creepy feeling in your stomach? Get out of there. This doesn't make you paranoid. I watched some movie about criminals with Robert DeNiro (I think - this was years ago) and one of the things his character says is, "The only people paying attention are the criminals and the cops". It's so true.
A way to make this interesting is to mentally play the part of a predator. STOP RIGHT NOW...think about this...if you were someone else and you were going to attack the real you right now, how would you do it? Okay, what's another way besides that? Play that game when you're out somewhere...now switch it up, how would you attack that guy over there - and get away with it? Who's vulnerable and why? You don't necessarily have to kill them, just take their stuff and split. It's shocking how vulnerable we are simply because we're not paying attention.
*This is sort of part 2 of what's above - stay away from the 3 Stupids: Stupid people, stupid places, stupid activities. You don't need to stay sitting on your couch wearing a helmet murmuring, "no one can get me here", just understand that some places are more ripe for an unpleasant encounter than others. You know that friend you have, the one who always seems to set people off? Maybe do a cost-benefit analysis of hanging out with that person on weeknights. Then if you choose to do it, at least you're going in with your eyes open.
*Stay fit. You don't have time to train? Fine. Go to the gym, take a class, lift weights. No time or money for that? Run in your neighborhood, do some pushups in your living room. We have t-shirts at our studio that say "Strong people are harder to kill and more useful in general". I like this. Reaching the goals that inherently come with fitness training breeds confidence. I like this too.
*Learn to tell people no without making excuses. I was going to say without feeling guilty, but I don't really care how you feel about it. However, making excuses can be used against you because it seems like you're not comfortable just drawing the line, and it's human nature to want to retreat into what's comfortable. Learn to draw the line in small matters, the big ones will come more easily. Make no mistake, it is often easier to strike back physically than it is to stand your ground socially. Practice.
*And the opposite: Learn to apologize when you didn't do anything wrong. "Oh, I'm sorry if it seemed I was staring you, I was just lost in space for a minute there. Sorry." And leave alive. Rory Miller writes about the whens-and-wheres of these tactics quite a bit.
*Take advantage of the folks who think about this stuff a lot. You can get a lot for a little by reading blogs like this one. I've already linked to Jennie Trower's site, here's a few more:
http://chirontraining.blogspot.com
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com
http://www.jarrettarthur.com/blog/
http://rosstraining.com/blog/
Those are the ones I follow, just for kicks I googled "self defense blog" and of course 93,700,000 came up. There's bound to be one that strikes a chord with you. Ok, rosstraining is mostly a workout blog, but the guy is a former boxer, and it's one of my favorite sites in the world. And naturally, you can silly nonsense by keyboard warriors online as well. Reader beware, and trust your gut.
*If you have kids, educate yourself about crimes against children (by adults and by other kids) then talk about this stuff with them. It can be difficult, but you'll find some ideas here on how to go about it. Thinking about how you can help your kids stay alive will make you creative quickly.
*If the worst happens, and you're prey, and they've laid hands on you, FIGHT. However you can, as dirty and hard as you can, for as long as it takes to end the threat. Don't give them half and see if it's good enough. Go nuclear until the threat is over. Then RUN. When you're safe THEN immediately call the cops. And your lawyer, because it's probably going to get legal. You don't necessarily need any fancy techniques. This is the reason in level 1 Krav we keep trying to scare the crap out of you, then yell, GOOOOO! (That's "go", not "goo".)
Doing these things will make you more prepared than you'd be if you didn't do them. And ultimately, that's the best we can do, even when we are training. The question is how far you're willing and able to pursue that end.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Really Bad.
Below I link to a horrible video of a person getting stabbed in the face. If you've seen it you already know it's extremely tough to watch. However, I'm posting it because of a few things I noticed. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but if you choose to...watch for these things:
The attacker - clearly he isn't trying to kill her. If he wanted to do that he easily could have. I think he's trying to punish her, make her ugly...as in "oh, you're going to leave me? Well no one will ever want you again!". I don't know if that's correct, I don't know anything about the situation, I just notice he's not killing her, he's only stabbing her in the face. Or maybe he's just crazy.
The victim - While she's trying to get her face out of the way by moving her head around & covering with her hands, that's about as far as she's taking her defense. I'm not trying to criticize her, the poor woman is probably in shock and incapable of doing anything else. I have to assume under the circumstances that if she could do more she would. I wonder if she had some training if she'd be able to get her feet up close to her body to maneuver better, use her arms to deflect the weapon, buck, etc.?
The bystanders - Here's where it actually gets interesting for me. What fails: There are a couple of young men who make little pathetic useless kicks at the attacker's body, and I've heard lots of people criticize them for not doing more. Personally, I feel those boys were very brave. They tried to stop a guy with a knife who clearly has no problem slicing people up. If he'd sliced out at them as they kicked and opened up an artery on the inside of their thigh, they'd be dead. How many strangers are you willing to die for? What I think is that they simply didn't know what to do to help her, so they tried as best they could. Which of course, was sadly not helpful at all.
What succeeds: One guy finally sneaks up & grabs him from behind ...crap, maybe you haven't seen it yet.
Watch it if you want to, I'm about to spoil the ending.
The attacker - clearly he isn't trying to kill her. If he wanted to do that he easily could have. I think he's trying to punish her, make her ugly...as in "oh, you're going to leave me? Well no one will ever want you again!". I don't know if that's correct, I don't know anything about the situation, I just notice he's not killing her, he's only stabbing her in the face. Or maybe he's just crazy.
The victim - While she's trying to get her face out of the way by moving her head around & covering with her hands, that's about as far as she's taking her defense. I'm not trying to criticize her, the poor woman is probably in shock and incapable of doing anything else. I have to assume under the circumstances that if she could do more she would. I wonder if she had some training if she'd be able to get her feet up close to her body to maneuver better, use her arms to deflect the weapon, buck, etc.?
The bystanders - Here's where it actually gets interesting for me. What fails: There are a couple of young men who make little pathetic useless kicks at the attacker's body, and I've heard lots of people criticize them for not doing more. Personally, I feel those boys were very brave. They tried to stop a guy with a knife who clearly has no problem slicing people up. If he'd sliced out at them as they kicked and opened up an artery on the inside of their thigh, they'd be dead. How many strangers are you willing to die for? What I think is that they simply didn't know what to do to help her, so they tried as best they could. Which of course, was sadly not helpful at all.
What succeeds: One guy finally sneaks up & grabs him from behind ...crap, maybe you haven't seen it yet.
Watch it if you want to, I'm about to spoil the ending.
Don't look below this line unless you want to know what happens!!!
*****************************************************************
The man who grabs his hoodie from behind finally succeeds in pulling him off. Then, kneeling on his neck, pins him.
Do you notice the woman hops right up like she's merely tripped on the sidewalk? Then a few moments later she slowly sinks to the ground. Adrenaline is super powerful, but it doesn't last, and losing that much blood doesn't help, obviously.
And a truly extraordinary thing, the bystanders, having gotten the attacker away from his victim, protect him from mob justice and don't permit the crowd to beat him, which frankly he has coming, the bastard. Incredible self-control or ethics or I don't know what. Very impressive.
It bothered me so much that only one guy on the scene knew what to do that we worked a bloodless version of this in 2 of my classes last week, to practice how and when to jump in in such a situation. It was really interesting. Knifing each other seemed to be out of the question so in one class we had the attacker beat the crap out of the victim with pads & lash out at anyone who came to help. No, the real attacker never did that, but the "bystanders" needed to be somewhat afraid to move in, because they damn sure would be in real life. In the second class we used a little Halloween party knife I had left over from my Psycho Ex-Girlfriend costume.
It wouldn't actually cut anyone, but it wouldn't feel good if it slammed into you either & I told the attacker to get wild with the knife to make the folks who tried to save the victim think twice before they moved in.
After the dust settled I asked the class, "what failed?"
They said, "being timid" "being slow" "hoping someone else would help" "chasing the hand around to grab the knife, it's going too fast so you get cut"
"What succeeded?"
"Being sneaky" "Attacking from behind" "Being aggressive" "Totally committing to your attack" "Having someone else on your side attacking with you"
I'd like to point out these are the same things that fail and succeed in most all self-defense situations. And if you reeeaaally want to take that ball and run with it look at the list of qualities the students gave for a successful defense. If you're ever attacked you should assume the attacker will strive to do most or all of these things, and defend accordingly.
Don't you love me anymore?
After the dust settled I asked the class, "what failed?"
They said, "being timid" "being slow" "hoping someone else would help" "chasing the hand around to grab the knife, it's going too fast so you get cut"
"What succeeded?"
"Being sneaky" "Attacking from behind" "Being aggressive" "Totally committing to your attack" "Having someone else on your side attacking with you"
I'd like to point out these are the same things that fail and succeed in most all self-defense situations. And if you reeeaaally want to take that ball and run with it look at the list of qualities the students gave for a successful defense. If you're ever attacked you should assume the attacker will strive to do most or all of these things, and defend accordingly.
Friday, March 22, 2013
One thing I like about the women-only classes is that we work on issues not strictly covered in the normal Krav Maga curriculum. Kelly Campbell talked to me once about boundary setting - that if you can't stick up for yourself in life's small matters you won't stand your ground in the big ones either.
I think that's very true, up to a point. My only hesitation on that score is that it's socially acceptable for a person being beaten or robbed to defend themselves if they know how. It is rarely socially acceptable for a woman to draw a line in the sand when everyone else is wearing the mask of playing nice. Nor is it something we are taught how to do, which is why people go along when they want to say STOP. Sometimes the consequences are disastrous, sometimes one is just left stewing about it & thinking, "I should have said..."
One of the most important attributes for a woman to have in American culture is for her to be compliant. Nobody in class believes me when I say that, but then I tell them "Have you ever tried to set a lunch date with someone you don't know well? Here's how the conversation goes:
Where would you like to go?
I think that's very true, up to a point. My only hesitation on that score is that it's socially acceptable for a person being beaten or robbed to defend themselves if they know how. It is rarely socially acceptable for a woman to draw a line in the sand when everyone else is wearing the mask of playing nice. Nor is it something we are taught how to do, which is why people go along when they want to say STOP. Sometimes the consequences are disastrous, sometimes one is just left stewing about it & thinking, "I should have said..."
One of the most important attributes for a woman to have in American culture is for her to be compliant. Nobody in class believes me when I say that, but then I tell them "Have you ever tried to set a lunch date with someone you don't know well? Here's how the conversation goes:
Where would you like to go?
Oh, I don't care, where would you like to go?
Oh, anything. What kind of food do you like to eat?
I like everything, really. Let's just do whatever you like.
No, no, I'm happy with whatever you'd prefer....
This continues until one lady can't take it anymore & gives in and chooses a restaurant. The one who chooses, loses the game. Am I lyin'? You know I'm not!
Since we generally aren't taught how to say what we want in social situations, that's what we practice sometimes in class. It was awesome last week because a new student was an 18 year old girl about to go away to college, prime time for being taken advantage of for being too "nice".
Here's the exercise: your partner, preferably someone you aren't friends with (so there will be some social stigma about being rude to them & therefore add tension to the game) crosses a social line with you. Maybe they just stand uncomfortably close and stare at you. Maybe they stand behind you and whisper in your ear (it doesn't even have to be inappropriate words. In case I actually need to say it, people you don't know well shouldn't be creeping up on you and whispering.) Maybe they don't stand very close, but they look you up and down and say, "That is one fine ass." Whatever.
None of those actions is appropriate, but they don't necessarily earn 15 palm heel punches in the face either. The student's job is simply to verbally tell the person their behavior is unwelcome, and to emphasize that with body language and voice. It's one of the most tense classes we have. People turn red, they sweat, they giggle, they stammer. They almost never, in their first several tries, successfully tell their harasser to stop. Usually they'll freeze, then they'll get upset that they're frozen, then once I insist they keep at it they ask their partner to stop in a small voice, THEN once they've exhausted all other possibilities they insist in no uncertain terms that they be left alone. Then they're physically exhausted.
I love this drill because I'm convinced it's so necessary, and we learn things about ourselves we would never have guessed. Most of us think we're assertive. Nope. What's even cooler is the second time someone does the exercise she usually OWNS it. From the very beginning.
If you don't have anyone you can practice with (it's easy to tell your friends to get lost when you're "playing"), set yourself a goal. Next time you want to say no or draw a boundary, do it. If you find that you can't do it, figure out why. Are you afraid they won't like you? Are you afraid they'll hurt you? Is your self image that of "the nice one"? Once you figure that out, resolve to try again and then do it.
I'll tell you, I told someone no today and I think I hurt her feelings a little bit. I feel a little badly about that, but I wanted to continue what I was doing and if I'd stopped for her I would have smiled about it on the outside but resented it on the inside. I don't want to do that any more, so I said no. And I don't regret it. I'll pay extra attention to her later, and she'll get over it or she won't. I can't control that. But I do prefer to be in control of how I spend my time, so that's the choice I made.
What choice will you make?
Monday, March 11, 2013
3 Seconds, 2 Observations
I first saw this video on my friend Jason's Facebook page, and it's come to mind several times since then as a quick illustration of a couple of the things we often refer to in Krav Maga. Check it out:
The first thing that blew me away (ha ha, get it?) was that without thinking, the intended victim's physical reaction was to jerk his head away from the line of fire and to push the gun away with his hand. In Krav we refer to the fact that an effective defense should generally be based on the body's instinctive reactions to a threat. This makes the defense easy to learn, because your body wants to do that stuff anyway. Once you start doing gun defenses in class you'll find that you'll be striving to immediately get yourself off the line of fire & redirect the gun (+ other stuff after that). So seeing this guy do it automatically was pretty cool.
The second thing you'll probably notice is that after he redirects the weapon and it fails to fire, both he & the gunman freeze & stare at each other. I've heard some folks making fun of them for this, but but the truth is, that's the way these things usually play out. That freeze is their brains realizing what they thought was going to happen that day is NOT going to happen and something else - something bad - IS happening. Right now. Their brains (and your brain, should you find yourself in sudden unexpected danger) needs that split second to figure out what's going on and what to do about it.
All this life changing stuff is happening in under 3 seconds.
Next everyone else in the room starts experiencing their own freeze, trying to comprehend what just happened. Then, of course, mob justice. Once one person strikes the gunman, it becomes a free for all. It's hard for me to watch a bunch of people stomping, kicking and hitting a downed individual who is not fighting, in spite of the fact that I just watched him try to murder someone in cold blood (also hard to watch, btw). I know this guy has it coming. I can't say I wouldn't be in there with the mob myself, given the same circumstances. But from the outside looking in it makes my stomach woozy to watch it.
The first thing that blew me away (ha ha, get it?) was that without thinking, the intended victim's physical reaction was to jerk his head away from the line of fire and to push the gun away with his hand. In Krav we refer to the fact that an effective defense should generally be based on the body's instinctive reactions to a threat. This makes the defense easy to learn, because your body wants to do that stuff anyway. Once you start doing gun defenses in class you'll find that you'll be striving to immediately get yourself off the line of fire & redirect the gun (+ other stuff after that). So seeing this guy do it automatically was pretty cool.
The second thing you'll probably notice is that after he redirects the weapon and it fails to fire, both he & the gunman freeze & stare at each other. I've heard some folks making fun of them for this, but but the truth is, that's the way these things usually play out. That freeze is their brains realizing what they thought was going to happen that day is NOT going to happen and something else - something bad - IS happening. Right now. Their brains (and your brain, should you find yourself in sudden unexpected danger) needs that split second to figure out what's going on and what to do about it.
All this life changing stuff is happening in under 3 seconds.
Next everyone else in the room starts experiencing their own freeze, trying to comprehend what just happened. Then, of course, mob justice. Once one person strikes the gunman, it becomes a free for all. It's hard for me to watch a bunch of people stomping, kicking and hitting a downed individual who is not fighting, in spite of the fact that I just watched him try to murder someone in cold blood (also hard to watch, btw). I know this guy has it coming. I can't say I wouldn't be in there with the mob myself, given the same circumstances. But from the outside looking in it makes my stomach woozy to watch it.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Working It Out
I've been absent from this blog for a while because I've been absent from my life for a while. Working nights turned out to be my kryptonite - but I'm working days again! I'm aliiiive!!
So a student wrote me recently & asked for some advice because her husband is becoming unhappy about her new dedication to training in Krav Maga. This is something my husband & I briefly went through, and it's quite common. It happens when either gender is a trainee, but it seems to be far more frequent when the trainee is female, because this sort of martial arts training is not "normal" for girls.
Now that I've got a little distance from the situation as it relates to my own life, here's my take on it.
This is the trainee's point of view: I can suddenly do things I never dreamed were possible! I can be strong and fast, and I can fight through fear. I get to go to a class full of people who like the same things I like, who support me when I want to quit - and let me support them. I am so much stronger than I thought I was and it's an incredible rush. I wish everyone could feel this. I'm noticing how my new confidence is positively affecting every other area of my life and I want more.
Their mate's point of view is different: My mate used to act one way and now they are completely different. They suddenly have a whole new set of friends that I don't know and can't relate to, since I'm not interested in all that "fighting" stuff. My mate used to wear normal clothes & now they just wear sweaty workout clothes (or as my husband once dryly put it, "oh baby, I love that swishy sound you make when you wear your grandma track pants." My partner used to talk about lots of different things and now its all about punching and kicking. They're obsessed & they won't shut up about it! They tell everyone ad nauseum. And finally there is the undeniable intimacy of Krav Maga training. (This, of course, applies to many other styles of training as well. As my husband snapped at me, "you're rolling around on the ground with a bunch of guys who look like movie stars!" I tried explaining to him "that guy is trying to punch me in the face. That's not sexy." But he wasn't buying it)
Eventually something has to change or an agreement has to be reached between the partners. Most people want their mate to come to class with them. I got my husband to come once, just to see what it was like, and it helped. But ultimately for us that was not a solution. He knows how to defend himself and I really wanted this to be just for me. He races mountain bikes and rides all kinds of bicycles many hours a week. He doesn't want me around then. It's just for him. And I think that's awesome. We all need a room of our own.
Here are some things I did that fixed our situation: 1 - I learned to shut up about what we did in class that night. The truth is he was sick of it and didn't want to hear it. It was hard because I felt like I was keeping a whole part of myself away from him and it hurt my feelings that he didn't want to hear about something that was so important to me. But facts are facts: he was tired of hearing about it, so I needed to give him a break. He still had to suck it up while I told every other human on the planet.
2 - He likes me to look nice & found Krav Maga outfits to be de-feminizing and unattractive. I started taking ballet lessons a few months ago & took the opportunity to buy a bunch of ballet workout outfits. Of course, any cute clothes would do. He loves it. I get to wear athletic wear whenever I want & he gets to see me in cute clothes. Win-win.
3 - I told my closest guy friends/training partners that he was having a hard time with how we were always plastered onto each other and they understood completely and said they'd probably feel the same. So because they are awesome they went out of their way to get to know my husband and to make him comfortable that they were good guys who would look out for me and not try to take advantage of me in any way, on the mat or off. That was a huge help.
4 - I got him to watch UFC fights with me. At first he thought it was just about brutality and was repulsed, but since I insisted on continuing to watch he did, too. As he learned about the incredible skill involved and came to respect the sport he ended up being an even bigger enthusiast than me.
5 - Finally, he came and watched part of my very first belt test. He saw how hard I was working to overcome fear, frustration, exhaustion, and just the general desire to quit. Those feelings never go away, by the way. You just get better at overcoming them. He saw the training itself had a complete lack of bullshit or baby sitting. And he was really, really proud of me.
He gets it now. He likes my friends and know they have my back. He likes how much stronger, happier, and more confident I am than I was before. And I've learned how to take it down a notch and only tell him the stories that really matter the most.
There are a few people reading this who might be offended. They might think I should have just told him to zip it because I'm over at Krav class gettin' all empowered and he's holding me back. But one of the things we learn in Krav Maga is you only fight when you have no other choice. First try to solve a problem with your brain instead of your fists (or mean words). If you can create a win-win, then why on earth would you not do that?
So a student wrote me recently & asked for some advice because her husband is becoming unhappy about her new dedication to training in Krav Maga. This is something my husband & I briefly went through, and it's quite common. It happens when either gender is a trainee, but it seems to be far more frequent when the trainee is female, because this sort of martial arts training is not "normal" for girls.
Now that I've got a little distance from the situation as it relates to my own life, here's my take on it.
This is the trainee's point of view: I can suddenly do things I never dreamed were possible! I can be strong and fast, and I can fight through fear. I get to go to a class full of people who like the same things I like, who support me when I want to quit - and let me support them. I am so much stronger than I thought I was and it's an incredible rush. I wish everyone could feel this. I'm noticing how my new confidence is positively affecting every other area of my life and I want more.
Their mate's point of view is different: My mate used to act one way and now they are completely different. They suddenly have a whole new set of friends that I don't know and can't relate to, since I'm not interested in all that "fighting" stuff. My mate used to wear normal clothes & now they just wear sweaty workout clothes (or as my husband once dryly put it, "oh baby, I love that swishy sound you make when you wear your grandma track pants." My partner used to talk about lots of different things and now its all about punching and kicking. They're obsessed & they won't shut up about it! They tell everyone ad nauseum. And finally there is the undeniable intimacy of Krav Maga training. (This, of course, applies to many other styles of training as well. As my husband snapped at me, "you're rolling around on the ground with a bunch of guys who look like movie stars!" I tried explaining to him "that guy is trying to punch me in the face. That's not sexy." But he wasn't buying it)
Eventually something has to change or an agreement has to be reached between the partners. Most people want their mate to come to class with them. I got my husband to come once, just to see what it was like, and it helped. But ultimately for us that was not a solution. He knows how to defend himself and I really wanted this to be just for me. He races mountain bikes and rides all kinds of bicycles many hours a week. He doesn't want me around then. It's just for him. And I think that's awesome. We all need a room of our own.
Here are some things I did that fixed our situation: 1 - I learned to shut up about what we did in class that night. The truth is he was sick of it and didn't want to hear it. It was hard because I felt like I was keeping a whole part of myself away from him and it hurt my feelings that he didn't want to hear about something that was so important to me. But facts are facts: he was tired of hearing about it, so I needed to give him a break. He still had to suck it up while I told every other human on the planet.
2 - He likes me to look nice & found Krav Maga outfits to be de-feminizing and unattractive. I started taking ballet lessons a few months ago & took the opportunity to buy a bunch of ballet workout outfits. Of course, any cute clothes would do. He loves it. I get to wear athletic wear whenever I want & he gets to see me in cute clothes. Win-win.
3 - I told my closest guy friends/training partners that he was having a hard time with how we were always plastered onto each other and they understood completely and said they'd probably feel the same. So because they are awesome they went out of their way to get to know my husband and to make him comfortable that they were good guys who would look out for me and not try to take advantage of me in any way, on the mat or off. That was a huge help.
4 - I got him to watch UFC fights with me. At first he thought it was just about brutality and was repulsed, but since I insisted on continuing to watch he did, too. As he learned about the incredible skill involved and came to respect the sport he ended up being an even bigger enthusiast than me.
5 - Finally, he came and watched part of my very first belt test. He saw how hard I was working to overcome fear, frustration, exhaustion, and just the general desire to quit. Those feelings never go away, by the way. You just get better at overcoming them. He saw the training itself had a complete lack of bullshit or baby sitting. And he was really, really proud of me.
He gets it now. He likes my friends and know they have my back. He likes how much stronger, happier, and more confident I am than I was before. And I've learned how to take it down a notch and only tell him the stories that really matter the most.
There are a few people reading this who might be offended. They might think I should have just told him to zip it because I'm over at Krav class gettin' all empowered and he's holding me back. But one of the things we learn in Krav Maga is you only fight when you have no other choice. First try to solve a problem with your brain instead of your fists (or mean words). If you can create a win-win, then why on earth would you not do that?
Monday, November 5, 2012
KM Smackdown
I love slapping people.
It's fairly rare that the opportunity
to do so presents itself.
I have a strict policy of no men being present in the room during the ladies-only class, but Miss Smurf has been after me for some time to put a guy in the fight suit and bring him in to let them practice striking a live human. So last weekend we finally did it.
Big J (not the same guy as Big Daddy J) put on the suit and choked our females then took his beating like a champ. However, one lady didn't feel comfortable striking him, so I offered to let her hit me instead. The price of admission, however, was that I was gonna slap the crap out of her. Now it might appear that I was just trying to slap somebody, which was probably not the case. Once one lady decided she was game, several others followed.
The truth of the matter is that after a lifetime of being told to play nice, hitting another person, even when being attacked, can be extremely difficult for female students. Learning how to hit an actual person instead of a pad is an important part of one's self defense education. It just so happens, however, if you slap a woman in the face & drag her around by her hair she tends to override her hesitation to strike pretty quickly. We weren't doing hair grabs that day, so I just made them close their eyes, gave them a good hard slap in the face & grabbed them by the throat. You should have seen them come after me! I was so proud. My right shin is all swollen and black and blue because they all kept kicking me there for some reason. That got old pretty quickly but, let's face it, I was not exactly in a position to complain.
Also, I'm happy to say that on a personal level it was an accomplishment to be the padded attacker. I ended up taking the role on so suddenly that all I had time to put on was head protection & a mouthpiece (hence the bruises) but I felt great anyway. I remember the first time I ever saw one of the padded suits in the first self defense seminar I ever attended. "That guy is crazy!" I thought. "I'd never do that!" Later I'd occasionally see instructors don them during training and even though I never expected to be that guy, I started to envy them a little for being willing to take some battering to help their students learn. Even through the suit you still get banged up. This year I decided I wanted to be that guy. The only rules I gave them were don't punch me in the throat and don't strike me in the back of the skull at the base (i.e., please don't kill me). And they didn't! So last weekend made me really happy both for my students and for myself.
2 THINGS I AM NOT LYING ABOUT:
1 - If you have an emotional meltdown in class and start crying, I don't mind. Neither does anybody else. I've done it. Loads of people have done it. Lizard brains are strong and they do what they want, when they want. In fact, watching people work through a post traumatic stress episode, come out of it, and then have the courage to come back to class to face the same situation again in an effort to master their fear is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. It makes me proud to work with them and pushes me to work to be a better instructor to be worthy of training with them.
2 - I respect people who refuse to participate in class when they feel unsafe or overwhelmed by what we're doing on the mat. Think about it: everyone else in the room is doing the technique, rooting each other on, etc. And one person stands there and says "Nope. I'm not doing that." It takes a certain amount of backbone to be the only one who won't go along, and I like people with a backbone.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Dominate! Yes!
Sometimes teaching is so much fun and the best part is often watching the students figure stuff out as they're doing it. Remembering the times I've done that myself and looking forward to doing it again - its watching people give themselves over to learning that makes me excited to go to class.
A couple of fun things happened the other night. First I'll say that we don't get much direct hands-on contact in level 1 against a strongly resisting opponent. Our focus is more on teaching basic techniques, getting people up to a fitness level that will allow them to perform, and instilling a fighting spirit. We strike pads & choke each other, but we don't get down & get funky too much.
So sometimes just for fun I'll very quickly show people some basic ground positions (usually mount, guard, half guard, and side guard if I remember that one). Then I'll set them up on their knees with their partner & say "GO". I tell them not to try to finish anyone off, the goal is just to "dominate your opponent". Once you've accomplished that just reset & go again. The real goal, of course, is to get them used to putting hands on someone who is actively trying to make them submit. I stole this from Matt, btw.
So on to the fun things: #1 - Girls always look pissed off when they do this exercise. Guys can usually keep a pretty passive face or even grin like a monkey the whole time, but girls generally look like they're about to pop. This is true of myself as well, I can't keep a neutral face & perform well. So you'd think I'd know this but the other day these 2 girls were wrassling & it was ON. You'd think they had a vendetta. I almost stopped them a couple of times because I was so sure they had really become really angry with each other. Once I finally made them stop they started laughing & hugging & giving each other feedback on how to do better in the next round.
2# - Similar situation with the guys. I'm walking around monitoring, mostly just making sure nobody kills their partner when I come upon a couple of guys. One has the other in a fierce headlock on the ground. He is cranking hard. I say, "Time! What are you doing?!" The guy looks at me like it's Christmas morning & I'm Santa Claus and says, "I'M DOMINATING!" His opponent/partner, who can now breathe again laughs and agrees. Everyone is being such a good sport, it was just awesome.
At the end of class a female who had been unable to perform a technique in spite of several tries pointed out her failure. The Dominator said (and this is all in caps because he bellowed the whole thing), "THAT'S OKAY! I FAIL ALL THE TIME! I FAIL AND I FAIL AND I FAIL AND THEN I WIN! I FAIL AND THEN I DOMINATE! YES!"
I guess I'm really writing all this because I'm so grateful in general for my students right now and for this class in particular. I confess I'm a little stressed out lately. But every class I get to see people struggle and triumph or resolve to try again. They face their fears, they help each other, they forgive readily the random accidental smack in the face. They work hard and with a great attitude.
So, thanks y'all for showing me for showing me the best of yourselves and making me excited to come back and do it all again.
A couple of fun things happened the other night. First I'll say that we don't get much direct hands-on contact in level 1 against a strongly resisting opponent. Our focus is more on teaching basic techniques, getting people up to a fitness level that will allow them to perform, and instilling a fighting spirit. We strike pads & choke each other, but we don't get down & get funky too much.
So sometimes just for fun I'll very quickly show people some basic ground positions (usually mount, guard, half guard, and side guard if I remember that one). Then I'll set them up on their knees with their partner & say "GO". I tell them not to try to finish anyone off, the goal is just to "dominate your opponent". Once you've accomplished that just reset & go again. The real goal, of course, is to get them used to putting hands on someone who is actively trying to make them submit. I stole this from Matt, btw.
So on to the fun things: #1 - Girls always look pissed off when they do this exercise. Guys can usually keep a pretty passive face or even grin like a monkey the whole time, but girls generally look like they're about to pop. This is true of myself as well, I can't keep a neutral face & perform well. So you'd think I'd know this but the other day these 2 girls were wrassling & it was ON. You'd think they had a vendetta. I almost stopped them a couple of times because I was so sure they had really become really angry with each other. Once I finally made them stop they started laughing & hugging & giving each other feedback on how to do better in the next round.
2# - Similar situation with the guys. I'm walking around monitoring, mostly just making sure nobody kills their partner when I come upon a couple of guys. One has the other in a fierce headlock on the ground. He is cranking hard. I say, "Time! What are you doing?!" The guy looks at me like it's Christmas morning & I'm Santa Claus and says, "I'M DOMINATING!" His opponent/partner, who can now breathe again laughs and agrees. Everyone is being such a good sport, it was just awesome.
At the end of class a female who had been unable to perform a technique in spite of several tries pointed out her failure. The Dominator said (and this is all in caps because he bellowed the whole thing), "THAT'S OKAY! I FAIL ALL THE TIME! I FAIL AND I FAIL AND I FAIL AND THEN I WIN! I FAIL AND THEN I DOMINATE! YES!"
I guess I'm really writing all this because I'm so grateful in general for my students right now and for this class in particular. I confess I'm a little stressed out lately. But every class I get to see people struggle and triumph or resolve to try again. They face their fears, they help each other, they forgive readily the random accidental smack in the face. They work hard and with a great attitude.
So, thanks y'all for showing me for showing me the best of yourselves and making me excited to come back and do it all again.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I take It Back
I didn't think I was full of shit when I made my last post.
When I said didn't have much feeling one way or the other about the more extreme crimes committed by some of the inmates housed in the facility in which I work, I believed it.
Then the very next night something changed my mind. A particular inmate was convicted of doing something violent and horrible to a person who was defenseless. I won't say what he did, because I really don't know what I'm allowed to say outside of work. This guy was being moved to someplace he didn't want to go and told a lie to postpone it. First he said it to another officer, then later to me. I told him he was going anyway and he just turned around and sat down, emotionless.
When he spoke to me I had the sensation of cockroaches crawling on my skin.
I told another, more experienced officer how I'd reacted and she told me, "That's your instinct warning you. Listen to it."
She made me think of Gavin de Becker's "Gift of Fear". The people I used to refer to in Krav Maga class as "types" of attackers are real people now with faces and names and voices.
When I said didn't have much feeling one way or the other about the more extreme crimes committed by some of the inmates housed in the facility in which I work, I believed it.
Then the very next night something changed my mind. A particular inmate was convicted of doing something violent and horrible to a person who was defenseless. I won't say what he did, because I really don't know what I'm allowed to say outside of work. This guy was being moved to someplace he didn't want to go and told a lie to postpone it. First he said it to another officer, then later to me. I told him he was going anyway and he just turned around and sat down, emotionless.
When he spoke to me I had the sensation of cockroaches crawling on my skin.
I told another, more experienced officer how I'd reacted and she told me, "That's your instinct warning you. Listen to it."
She made me think of Gavin de Becker's "Gift of Fear". The people I used to refer to in Krav Maga class as "types" of attackers are real people now with faces and names and voices.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
New Job, Random Thoughts
I've been working on the floor of a jail for almost 4 months now, and here are a few things I've noticed:
*Apparently it's a myth that all inmates claim they're innocent. I've worked with several hundred of them by now and only one has insisted, every time anyone would listen to her, that she didn't do it. Her story never changed, I noticed, no matter how many times she told it.
*What I do hear frequently is "what I did wasn't that bad, my sentence is way too harsh". I try not to roll my eyes or have any visible reaction on that one.
*I expected to have more animosity toward the inmates, at least the ones who have done some things I find shocking or horrible. Strangely, I don't have much emotion about it one way or the other. Maybe because I haven't heard anyone bragging? They drilled it into us at the academy that I'm here to be their keeper, not their judge, and maintaining that attitude seems to make the job easier and probably keeps me behaving more ethically.
*I get lied to a lot. A LOT. Blatantly. Holy cow.
*The other day within less than 2 minutes I saw a heated argument beginning between two inmates over the most ridiculous nitpicky bullshit you can imagine and 30 feet away I witnessed one inmate behaving with such kindness and generosity toward another who was struggling that I was deeply moved. Incarceration seems to hold a magnifying glass up to the best and the worst in us.
*You can't tell by looking at someone who is here for not paying their traffic tickets and who murdered someone. Sometimes its the most pleasant people who have done the worst stuff. Which means when you're at the grocery store you can't tell by looking at people who is going home to provide a loving, supportive and stable household and who is going to go home and beat the shit out of their 6 year old for not putting away the groceries fast enough. While I obviously have some knowledge of the people I'm working directly with, it seems that the most useful thing I can do is pay attention and listen to my gut. There's a line in the book Game of Thrones (my current obsession) where Arya's swordfighting teacher reminds her "See with your eyes". What he means is for her to put aside her hopes and fears of how the swordfight might unfold, to release her assumptions about her opponents strengths, weaknesses and intentions. To see with her eyes she must observe objectively her opponent's behavior in this moment and act according to the situation. It's so hard!! I'm learning to see with my eyes. It turns out that jumping to conclusions is a big time-saver.
*Apparently it's a myth that all inmates claim they're innocent. I've worked with several hundred of them by now and only one has insisted, every time anyone would listen to her, that she didn't do it. Her story never changed, I noticed, no matter how many times she told it.
*What I do hear frequently is "what I did wasn't that bad, my sentence is way too harsh". I try not to roll my eyes or have any visible reaction on that one.
*I expected to have more animosity toward the inmates, at least the ones who have done some things I find shocking or horrible. Strangely, I don't have much emotion about it one way or the other. Maybe because I haven't heard anyone bragging? They drilled it into us at the academy that I'm here to be their keeper, not their judge, and maintaining that attitude seems to make the job easier and probably keeps me behaving more ethically.
*I get lied to a lot. A LOT. Blatantly. Holy cow.
*The other day within less than 2 minutes I saw a heated argument beginning between two inmates over the most ridiculous nitpicky bullshit you can imagine and 30 feet away I witnessed one inmate behaving with such kindness and generosity toward another who was struggling that I was deeply moved. Incarceration seems to hold a magnifying glass up to the best and the worst in us.
*You can't tell by looking at someone who is here for not paying their traffic tickets and who murdered someone. Sometimes its the most pleasant people who have done the worst stuff. Which means when you're at the grocery store you can't tell by looking at people who is going home to provide a loving, supportive and stable household and who is going to go home and beat the shit out of their 6 year old for not putting away the groceries fast enough. While I obviously have some knowledge of the people I'm working directly with, it seems that the most useful thing I can do is pay attention and listen to my gut. There's a line in the book Game of Thrones (my current obsession) where Arya's swordfighting teacher reminds her "See with your eyes". What he means is for her to put aside her hopes and fears of how the swordfight might unfold, to release her assumptions about her opponents strengths, weaknesses and intentions. To see with her eyes she must observe objectively her opponent's behavior in this moment and act according to the situation. It's so hard!! I'm learning to see with my eyes. It turns out that jumping to conclusions is a big time-saver.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Try Not To Think About It
I've started teaching again and it makes me so happy. Working in the jail is good, the inmates are fascinating to me, but I'm a teacher at heart. And a student, too.
We've re-started the women-only class now that my time at the academy is finished. Today we worked defenses against chokes, both standing and on the ground. Additonally we talked about the whens and why's of eye contact.
But what's really on my mind right now is some of the questions I received from a student and in particular how she asked them. Okay, I'll be frank, I can't remember her exact questions. But the gist of it is something we hear frequently: "You're teaching me this, but what if he does that? Or that? Or that?" Occasionally this line of questioning devolves into the "27 ninjas" scenario...what if 27 ninjas come at me all at once? What do I do then?
Now this woman was NOT giving me one of those scenarios, and her questions were completely valid. But she was asking us in a sort of shy and uncomfortable way that tells me she doesn't yet believe she can pull this stuff off. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The truth is there are experienced trainees who have have beaten off an attack successfully and those who have failed. There are people who have never trained a day in their life who have beaten off an attack successfully and those who have failed.
What we're doing in class is merely working to improve our chances. That probably is a real bummer to hear, but it's true. No matter how much you train, there are no guarantees you will succeed. Anyone has the potential to lose when attacked. But here's the awesome news. You might be "anyone". But your attacker might be "anyone", too. Isn't that lovely? I think it is.
So here's what you do in class. When you are new to training, don't try to master all the "what if" scenarios. That comes bit by bit as you continue to train. Absolutely ask "what if" questions if its something that's bugging you or if you've faced a particular situation in the past or expect to in the future. But don't get eaten up with all the minutia of each possibility, you'll drive yourself nuts.
Allow yourself time to work on the basics and to master what makes them effective. Things like driving with your feet and transferring your weight to put the power of your whole body into a strike. Engaging with aggression while maintaining control. Staying loose instead of tightening up & moving like Frankenstein's monster (we all do it sometimes). And one of the most important, yet most difficult: learning to keep a clear head under pressure. These concepts apply regardless of the technique you're performing.
If you can get your body to grasp all these concepts they will serve you well no matter if an attacker does "this" or "that". As you put the concepts into play through repetition of training, and you work them into a growing number of techniques, your confidence will grow along with your chances of success.
Thanks to everyone who came out today, we'll be working one person's choke from behind "what if" on the first Saturday of October. Come train with us!
We've re-started the women-only class now that my time at the academy is finished. Today we worked defenses against chokes, both standing and on the ground. Additonally we talked about the whens and why's of eye contact.
But what's really on my mind right now is some of the questions I received from a student and in particular how she asked them. Okay, I'll be frank, I can't remember her exact questions. But the gist of it is something we hear frequently: "You're teaching me this, but what if he does that? Or that? Or that?" Occasionally this line of questioning devolves into the "27 ninjas" scenario...what if 27 ninjas come at me all at once? What do I do then?
Now this woman was NOT giving me one of those scenarios, and her questions were completely valid. But she was asking us in a sort of shy and uncomfortable way that tells me she doesn't yet believe she can pull this stuff off. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The truth is there are experienced trainees who have have beaten off an attack successfully and those who have failed. There are people who have never trained a day in their life who have beaten off an attack successfully and those who have failed.
What we're doing in class is merely working to improve our chances. That probably is a real bummer to hear, but it's true. No matter how much you train, there are no guarantees you will succeed. Anyone has the potential to lose when attacked. But here's the awesome news. You might be "anyone". But your attacker might be "anyone", too. Isn't that lovely? I think it is.
So here's what you do in class. When you are new to training, don't try to master all the "what if" scenarios. That comes bit by bit as you continue to train. Absolutely ask "what if" questions if its something that's bugging you or if you've faced a particular situation in the past or expect to in the future. But don't get eaten up with all the minutia of each possibility, you'll drive yourself nuts.
Allow yourself time to work on the basics and to master what makes them effective. Things like driving with your feet and transferring your weight to put the power of your whole body into a strike. Engaging with aggression while maintaining control. Staying loose instead of tightening up & moving like Frankenstein's monster (we all do it sometimes). And one of the most important, yet most difficult: learning to keep a clear head under pressure. These concepts apply regardless of the technique you're performing.
If you can get your body to grasp all these concepts they will serve you well no matter if an attacker does "this" or "that". As you put the concepts into play through repetition of training, and you work them into a growing number of techniques, your confidence will grow along with your chances of success.
Thanks to everyone who came out today, we'll be working one person's choke from behind "what if" on the first Saturday of October. Come train with us!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Running and Burning
Running: One of my coaches recommended a new training technique to me, so I thought I'd give it a go & see if I liked it. It was horrible. You should totally do it.
There's a 1.5 mile track near my house, so I took my dog Raleigh, The Raleigh Lama, with me and did this: run about 200 yards fast. The sad reality is that I'm slow as Christmas, but I was pushing it to move fast. Stop & do 10 squats. Run 200 more yards. 10 pushups (burpees, lunges, whatever). Run 200 yards, etc. Keep it up for a mile and a half. I was dying about a mile in, audibly sucking wind. That far in, the exercises actually started to feel like a break.
As we rounded the track & ended back up near the start Raleigh started dragging me back toward the car, so I went along & grabbed him a bowl of water. After he lapped it up I said, "Ok boy, let's do another!" intending to just jog the next lap, as I was clinging to some shred of sanity. He moped back along, and I could tell he didn't really want to do it again...oh, jeez, do I really have to drive this dog home and come back for the second lap? The thing is, Raleigh is about 12 years old, smart enough to do your taxes and he's never steered me wrong. So yeah, I drove him home and came back to run (jog) the next lap. I was pooped. POOPED! But happy.
The last couple of years I've focused so much on learning to be a good instructor & studying the psychology of violence that I forgot to be a lean mean fighting machine. Being at the academy has forced me to get back out there & use my body, and it feels really good. So, yes, I do recommend trying this workout, it's difficult but I think there will be a nice payoff if I keep doing it.
Burning: I'm not supposed to talk about specific law enforcement or corrections training that I experience or witness, but I don't think it's any big secret that those who serve, if they might carry pepper spray, have to get sprayed. I got sprayed a few days ago. I'm here to tell you that stuff is it's own special Hell.
For about the first 20 seconds I thought, wow, this is really horrible, but I can handle it, I can keep my eyes open just a teensy bit. Maybe 5 seconds later the 2nd wave hit me and quite frankly I don't know how to describe it. My eyes slammed shut. I have been told repeatedly that would happen, but somehow I still thought I would be able to open them. You know, because I'm special.
I tried prying them open with my fingers, but my face was drenched and slippery because they had to spray me twice, since my eyes closed when they did it the first time.
Not realizing I had actually finished the task I was to complete while my face was on fire, I felt someone grab me and say, "stop, it's over, it's over!" and pull me outside, where someone else dragged me away to get hosed down with water. That's when I panicked.
I almost drowned once in a scuba accident in the Florida Keys when I was about 12 years old, and when the water hit my face it all came rushing back. I was determined not to cry or scream, but was fighting the urge to do both. Because I still couldn't see and now couldn't breathe and was panicking, I was afraid I'd faint and slam my head on the ground. I dropped to my knees just in case and rocked myself furiously while I tried to wash my face and eyes and not to have a total meltdown. Later, helping out, it was obvious that most people panic when the water hits them. In the moment you can't even believe how overwhelming the feeling of pain and panic is, and you know it isn't going to be over any time soon. The next day I saw some friends who've been sprayed in the past & they poked me and said, "Ha ha! Your face is still all puffy!" I felt like I had a raging fever for about the next 18 hours, which was really interesting, since I knew it was just the ground up hot peppers someone had flung all over my face and eyes.
I suspect it's just as painful but not as overwhelming the second time. I hope I never find out.
There's a 1.5 mile track near my house, so I took my dog Raleigh, The Raleigh Lama, with me and did this: run about 200 yards fast. The sad reality is that I'm slow as Christmas, but I was pushing it to move fast. Stop & do 10 squats. Run 200 more yards. 10 pushups (burpees, lunges, whatever). Run 200 yards, etc. Keep it up for a mile and a half. I was dying about a mile in, audibly sucking wind. That far in, the exercises actually started to feel like a break.
As we rounded the track & ended back up near the start Raleigh started dragging me back toward the car, so I went along & grabbed him a bowl of water. After he lapped it up I said, "Ok boy, let's do another!" intending to just jog the next lap, as I was clinging to some shred of sanity. He moped back along, and I could tell he didn't really want to do it again...oh, jeez, do I really have to drive this dog home and come back for the second lap? The thing is, Raleigh is about 12 years old, smart enough to do your taxes and he's never steered me wrong. So yeah, I drove him home and came back to run (jog) the next lap. I was pooped. POOPED! But happy.
I trust this dog's judgement.
The last couple of years I've focused so much on learning to be a good instructor & studying the psychology of violence that I forgot to be a lean mean fighting machine. Being at the academy has forced me to get back out there & use my body, and it feels really good. So, yes, I do recommend trying this workout, it's difficult but I think there will be a nice payoff if I keep doing it.
Burning: I'm not supposed to talk about specific law enforcement or corrections training that I experience or witness, but I don't think it's any big secret that those who serve, if they might carry pepper spray, have to get sprayed. I got sprayed a few days ago. I'm here to tell you that stuff is it's own special Hell.
For about the first 20 seconds I thought, wow, this is really horrible, but I can handle it, I can keep my eyes open just a teensy bit. Maybe 5 seconds later the 2nd wave hit me and quite frankly I don't know how to describe it. My eyes slammed shut. I have been told repeatedly that would happen, but somehow I still thought I would be able to open them. You know, because I'm special.
NO.
I tried prying them open with my fingers, but my face was drenched and slippery because they had to spray me twice, since my eyes closed when they did it the first time.
Not realizing I had actually finished the task I was to complete while my face was on fire, I felt someone grab me and say, "stop, it's over, it's over!" and pull me outside, where someone else dragged me away to get hosed down with water. That's when I panicked.
I almost drowned once in a scuba accident in the Florida Keys when I was about 12 years old, and when the water hit my face it all came rushing back. I was determined not to cry or scream, but was fighting the urge to do both. Because I still couldn't see and now couldn't breathe and was panicking, I was afraid I'd faint and slam my head on the ground. I dropped to my knees just in case and rocked myself furiously while I tried to wash my face and eyes and not to have a total meltdown. Later, helping out, it was obvious that most people panic when the water hits them. In the moment you can't even believe how overwhelming the feeling of pain and panic is, and you know it isn't going to be over any time soon. The next day I saw some friends who've been sprayed in the past & they poked me and said, "Ha ha! Your face is still all puffy!" I felt like I had a raging fever for about the next 18 hours, which was really interesting, since I knew it was just the ground up hot peppers someone had flung all over my face and eyes.
Me.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
P.R.E.A.
As a Krav Maga instructor, one of my favorite things to do is come up with drills and exercises that mess with people's heads.
The goal might be to scare them into a freeze & get them to fight through it, create a confusing situation that forces them to take action even when no obvious correct course exists, or tell them things are going to be one way and then change the rules mid-stream so they have to deal with a situation as it actually is and not the way they thought it would be.
Whatever the situation is at any given moment, my ultimate purpose is always the same: create a situation where they are forced to feel stress and act to end the situation in their favor. While it's important to give serious thought to what you would/should/could do in a dangerous situation and to create a plan, I really believe that intellectualizing these things isn't enough. As they say, everybody has a plan until they get hit in the face. We often have to experience things ourselves, for good or ill, to totally understand.
One of my own teachers at the Sheriff's academy appears to have the same philosophy. A little while ago we had a class on the prevention of sexual assault in the jail - specifically on the Prison Rape Elimination Act. I confess I never really gave this much thought before, and even had a somewhat callous and indifferent attitude about it. As Miss Charlotte says, "Nobody wants to talk about rape except to make jokes about prison rape, like that's some great thing."
So anyway - we were sitting in class & the instructor came in and asked us to give him some elements we thought a good leader should have. We said things like decisiveness, good organization skills, compassion, good communication skills, honor, trustworthiness and intelligence. Then he asked us to say the name of someone in class who embodied those qualities. Nobody raised their hand - we're a pretty cohesive group and no one wanted to single out a member, but I can never keep my mouth shut for long, so I raised my hand and mentioned that Mr. G seemed to embody all those things.
Mr. G was removed from the class & several minutes later led back in - but the officer's uniform he'd been wearing had been replaced by an inmate uniform and he was handcuffed like a prisoner. I was scandalized to see him like that.
Standing next to him in front of the class the instructor asked us to imagine our Mr. G, with all his admirable qualities intact, as an inmate in our jail. He asked us to imagine him being sexually assaulted and even raped. It was very upsetting to think about and I wanted them to take those damn cuffs off my friend and put him back in his officer's uniform where he belongs.
But the point was well taken. All the instructors have been stressing honor and ethics in the job, and the fact that we are the keepers of the inmates, not their judges. But holy cow, it wasn't until somebody started screwing with my head like I do with my students that I truly felt it. Then we had to watch a documentary about a young man incarcerated in another Texas jail who killed himself after the staff ignored his pleas for protection after being repeatedly raped by other inmates. Sometimes the stuff we study is pretty depressing.
I'm not trying to imply that my instructors are encouraging us to baby, pamper, or feel sorry for inmates. They're not - not even a little bit. But they are teaching us to remember that each human being is more than the current clothes they are wearing, and to make sure the jail is safe and secure for the officers, the surrounding community, and the inmates.
I came away from the lesson with the determination that the inmates under my supervision are going to follow the rules and behave - and that no one is going to screw with them. No pun intended.
It's pretty much exactly the way I've run things in classrooms in martial arts and the school district, just with more education thrown in and the stakes raised.
I have to admit I'm grateful for the lesson even though it involved a little slap in the face and am a little embarrassed by my previous attitude. So, instructor, I'd say that was a job well done.
The goal might be to scare them into a freeze & get them to fight through it, create a confusing situation that forces them to take action even when no obvious correct course exists, or tell them things are going to be one way and then change the rules mid-stream so they have to deal with a situation as it actually is and not the way they thought it would be.
Whatever the situation is at any given moment, my ultimate purpose is always the same: create a situation where they are forced to feel stress and act to end the situation in their favor. While it's important to give serious thought to what you would/should/could do in a dangerous situation and to create a plan, I really believe that intellectualizing these things isn't enough. As they say, everybody has a plan until they get hit in the face. We often have to experience things ourselves, for good or ill, to totally understand.
One of my own teachers at the Sheriff's academy appears to have the same philosophy. A little while ago we had a class on the prevention of sexual assault in the jail - specifically on the Prison Rape Elimination Act. I confess I never really gave this much thought before, and even had a somewhat callous and indifferent attitude about it. As Miss Charlotte says, "Nobody wants to talk about rape except to make jokes about prison rape, like that's some great thing."
So anyway - we were sitting in class & the instructor came in and asked us to give him some elements we thought a good leader should have. We said things like decisiveness, good organization skills, compassion, good communication skills, honor, trustworthiness and intelligence. Then he asked us to say the name of someone in class who embodied those qualities. Nobody raised their hand - we're a pretty cohesive group and no one wanted to single out a member, but I can never keep my mouth shut for long, so I raised my hand and mentioned that Mr. G seemed to embody all those things.
Mr. G was removed from the class & several minutes later led back in - but the officer's uniform he'd been wearing had been replaced by an inmate uniform and he was handcuffed like a prisoner. I was scandalized to see him like that.
Standing next to him in front of the class the instructor asked us to imagine our Mr. G, with all his admirable qualities intact, as an inmate in our jail. He asked us to imagine him being sexually assaulted and even raped. It was very upsetting to think about and I wanted them to take those damn cuffs off my friend and put him back in his officer's uniform where he belongs.
But the point was well taken. All the instructors have been stressing honor and ethics in the job, and the fact that we are the keepers of the inmates, not their judges. But holy cow, it wasn't until somebody started screwing with my head like I do with my students that I truly felt it. Then we had to watch a documentary about a young man incarcerated in another Texas jail who killed himself after the staff ignored his pleas for protection after being repeatedly raped by other inmates. Sometimes the stuff we study is pretty depressing.
I'm not trying to imply that my instructors are encouraging us to baby, pamper, or feel sorry for inmates. They're not - not even a little bit. But they are teaching us to remember that each human being is more than the current clothes they are wearing, and to make sure the jail is safe and secure for the officers, the surrounding community, and the inmates.
I came away from the lesson with the determination that the inmates under my supervision are going to follow the rules and behave - and that no one is going to screw with them. No pun intended.
It's pretty much exactly the way I've run things in classrooms in martial arts and the school district, just with more education thrown in and the stakes raised.
I have to admit I'm grateful for the lesson even though it involved a little slap in the face and am a little embarrassed by my previous attitude. So, instructor, I'd say that was a job well done.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Guest Blogger Rory Miller!
Anyone who has spent much time training with me has heard me yapping on about the book Meditations on Violence and how you should be reading it.
The author, Rory Miller, came to Fit and Fearless a few years ago to give a seminar and I, happily, was his contact person. We've stayed in touch since then and he's always been a huge influence on my training, as well as being an all-around pleasure to talk to. I'm feeling all mushy now, so I'll shut up & let you get to the good stuff:
Meat
Parker wrote something a while ago, and it inspired me (which Parker often does...)
You can read it here:
http://txkrav.blogspot.ca/2012/03/dont-make-move-nah.html
We are all made of meat. We forget that. We live in a world where things don't seem to eat people. Not being eaten feels normal. And so we forget that we are made of meat. And most of the time it is a safe thing to forget. Maybe even justifiable. But when it becomes important, when the tiger leaps or the knife flashes up, damn. Because we are made of meat.
We forget that, historically, the meat world is normal. The safe world, where things don't wait in the dark to eat us, is new. So new it shines.
And we are programmed, designed, evolved to live in the meat world. Our deepest programming-- fight, flight, freeze; eat when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired-- are all about being meat. We are wired to deal with a world far more dangerous and violent than this one. And that's a good thing, because when the safe world slips or shatters and what matters is blood and fear, we're kind of set up for that. It is natural and if you let yourself be an animal, you have a good chance. Your ancestors, after all, survived far worse. You are the product of thousands (or more) generations of success.
But... as much as we are wired to survive in the world where things eat and are eaten, human survival strategy is to get along, to live and work in groups that can protect us by having a mass of people and a range of resources. Part of getting along is to expect a nice world in order to create and maintain the nice world. When things go bad, our wiring to survive (and sometimes even our training) comes in direct conflict with our conditioning-- the years and years of being taught to get along.
We interact nicely with the nice world, which allows it to be the nice world. But the world will never be completely nice or completely safe, because to be the only nasty person in a world of nice people is a superpower. The person who can operate at the level of meat has an almost insurmountable advantage over the person who can only operate at the level of feelings.
Embrace the nice world. But do it as a choice. It is not the only world or the only way to look at the world. Get to know yourself as an animal. Learn the world of prey and predator, where things are made of meat. It _is_ natural. And if you must go there, go with your whole heart and trust your DNA.
Rory
Montreal Apr 2012
The author, Rory Miller, came to Fit and Fearless a few years ago to give a seminar and I, happily, was his contact person. We've stayed in touch since then and he's always been a huge influence on my training, as well as being an all-around pleasure to talk to. I'm feeling all mushy now, so I'll shut up & let you get to the good stuff:
Meat
Parker wrote something a while ago, and it inspired me (which Parker often does...)
You can read it here:
http://txkrav.blogspot.ca/2012/03/dont-make-move-nah.html
We are all made of meat. We forget that. We live in a world where things don't seem to eat people. Not being eaten feels normal. And so we forget that we are made of meat. And most of the time it is a safe thing to forget. Maybe even justifiable. But when it becomes important, when the tiger leaps or the knife flashes up, damn. Because we are made of meat.
We forget that, historically, the meat world is normal. The safe world, where things don't wait in the dark to eat us, is new. So new it shines.
And we are programmed, designed, evolved to live in the meat world. Our deepest programming-- fight, flight, freeze; eat when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired-- are all about being meat. We are wired to deal with a world far more dangerous and violent than this one. And that's a good thing, because when the safe world slips or shatters and what matters is blood and fear, we're kind of set up for that. It is natural and if you let yourself be an animal, you have a good chance. Your ancestors, after all, survived far worse. You are the product of thousands (or more) generations of success.
But... as much as we are wired to survive in the world where things eat and are eaten, human survival strategy is to get along, to live and work in groups that can protect us by having a mass of people and a range of resources. Part of getting along is to expect a nice world in order to create and maintain the nice world. When things go bad, our wiring to survive (and sometimes even our training) comes in direct conflict with our conditioning-- the years and years of being taught to get along.
We interact nicely with the nice world, which allows it to be the nice world. But the world will never be completely nice or completely safe, because to be the only nasty person in a world of nice people is a superpower. The person who can operate at the level of meat has an almost insurmountable advantage over the person who can only operate at the level of feelings.
Embrace the nice world. But do it as a choice. It is not the only world or the only way to look at the world. Get to know yourself as an animal. Learn the world of prey and predator, where things are made of meat. It _is_ natural. And if you must go there, go with your whole heart and trust your DNA.
Rory
Montreal Apr 2012
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