So I take these little pills to keep my skin clear, and sometimes they make me sick. (This is called 'foreshadowing'.)
Teacher training today with Relentless, he was putting us on the spot, which is becoming fun. I no longer think its the end of days if I mess it up. I know now that I'm there to learn & have stopped trying to be perfect, which has improved my performance. Mighty Mouse missed on basing out when she was doing the demonstration for the bear hug from the front where you are lifted off your feet & ended up on the ground on her back with the Gentleman on top of her. She fought him off & jumped up & he continued on quickly with the same attack, which she defended successfully. It looked so cool! Very real looking. I want to be like Mighty Mouse! She's kind of scary. My stomach was starting to feel a little weird...
Next hour, level 3/4, again with Relentless. We did one of his famous exhausting warmups that used to scare the bejesus out of me, but now they're fun, even though they're crazy hard. Toward the end we got into groups of 4 & did non-stop chokes, monkey-in-the-middle-style, which signaled the end of me keeping my head out of the toilet. After my turn I sped out of the room, almost knocking over Smash, my favorite toddler, and had a thoroughly cleansing vomit. Then I walked watery-eyed & wobbly-legged back to class, knowing that if we sparred my secret weapon would be my breath. Yes, come clooooser.....
I ended up working with Speedy on the Thai pads, then we worked reverse guillotine & full nelson (effective for the defender, sucky for the attacker), and then sparred. Oh, dear lord, I thought I would die, I could feel my stomach churning and wanted to quit so badly for every second of that damn class, especially sparring. But I didn't. I admit I didn't have a very chipper attitude. Thank God Relentless started yelling at me to keep going & stay in the fight. My head was spinning & everything seemed surreal, so I just latched onto his voice and kept swinging. Then more vomit. Awesome.
Funny how things work out. I have come to realize that I'm kind of wimpy & need to be able to take a little more punishment than I currently can & keep going strongly, not just going through the motions. So I've been thinking I needed to find myself in some situations in class where I wanted to quit, but I had to keep on, and by experiencing that repeatedly, I would become stronger. Well, I got my wish, and it sucked! But I'm not sorry, because it really is what I need to experience to grow. If only I needed to experience a trip to Paris to grow....
You may not realize it, but you are kicking ass. You have no idea how often I talk myself out of going to Krav. It used to be that I would show up planning to do back to back classes, but would flake after the first one. Now I don't even kid myself that I'm gonna pull a double. The choice is between one or none (and I choose none waaaay too often, as I did today), never between one and two.
ReplyDeleteBut YOU--what are you doing, back to back to back to back? Plus, unlike me, you have the added pressure of trying to learn this stuff well enough to teach it, and maintain a positive attitude for others who look to you for instruction and encouragement, and fight people who have a lot more upper body strength than you, and on and on and on. I only wish I were as tough as you. David.
P.S. I still get a knot in my stomach before every class with Relentless.
Thanks, David, I appreciate that, so very much. And I understand what you mean - its so easy to talk yourself out of going to class. I sometimes have to force myself to go. For the entire first year I trained I had a knot in my stomach before every class! But your technique is really coming along, which is why we had y'all demonstrate in front of the class the other day. Y'all were the best in class.
ReplyDeleteAnd when I first started doing doubles I would skip the warmup of the 2nd class, which helped a lot, enough to get me to stay.
Thank you! I realized, though, how much pressure there must be on you and the other instructors. I mean, I really did not like having everyone watch ME for the correct form. What if I did it wrong when people were looking at me? I'd rather just screw up in anonymity forever. But I suppose that's not the recipe for getting better.
ReplyDeleteParker, Parker, Parker...it's all part of the process. A little puke, some blood, black eyes, black and blue shins...When you give 110% thats what you get and that my dear is WHY WE DO IT!! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteYou're the best, Ed! I love New York!
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