I've often noted that I couldn't care less how well I perform in Crossfit, or weightlifting, or running. If I do well, hurray, if I do poorly, I know I'll do better next time. Or I won't. But if I do poorly in krav, it eats at me without mercy. So I've been berating myself endlessly for my poor performance earlier today.
I called my best friend of 20 years, Missy T, for a thump in the head, but she wasn't home, so I laid on the floor thinking woe is me! You really should come to one of my pity parties, they freaking rock.
As I lay there wallowing my phone rings. Its BB, my friend with a black belt in Chayon-Ryu. So I asked her advice & she gave it to me. Like to hear it? Hear it goes:
1. Stop obsessing about Apprentice. You're worrying too much about the end result. You will improve when you focus on the process. Go to class, train, practice, get a little better every day. Do the best you can in the moment and let it go.
2. This is clearly something you need to work on in your life, and you're being presented with an opportunity to work on it. Know that that's a good thing.
3. Stop worrying about being too hard and being perceived as acting like an asshole. You are stretching into a role, a harder persona, and its a balancing act. You're going to have to be willing to look like an asshole so you can draw yourself back down into the balance of where you actually need to be. People will let you know, verbally or otherwise, when you're acting like an asshole.
4. When you're acting in theatre you overplay it, when you're acting on film you underplay it. Right now you're in theatre, so overdo it to the point where you think its too much. It will feel silly, but that's not how it looks from the outside. Theatrical directors are always yelling at their actors, "Give me more! Give me more!". You need to give them more.
My friend is smart and I feel better. Hurray!